Game of Thrones: "I Am Your Son. I Have Always Been Your Son."

Big impin'.
"The Children" is the title of Game of Thrones' 4th season finale. Though we can probably figure out who they were actually talking about (more on that later), the title could also refer to: a) the Lannister children, all of whom end up ... disappointing father Tywin in various ways by epsiode's end, b) the Stark children, who are (Jon Snow included) growing up and heading towards vastly different careers, or c) Daenery's dragons, no longer fully under their Mother's control.

Of course, it's *probably* in reference to the Children of the Forest, the legendary race the First Men made peace with before Aegon the Conqueror arrived on Westeros (another fact not divulged in the show for purposes of time). Looks like they've been keeping busy in the interim by taking fireball lessons from Tim the Enchanter.

Locations (* = new): Kings Landing, Moat Cailin, Winterfell (still burning), The Wall, Braavos, Meereen

Ser(s) Not Appearing In This Episode: Littlefinger, Sansa Stark, Theon "Reek" Greyjoy, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton.

Picking up from last week, we find Jon Snow (Kit Harington) marching out past dead wildlings, giants, and mammoths to treat with so-called "King Beyond the Wall" Mance Rayder. That didn't take long (we've only got 66 minutes left in the season, recall). They drink to Ygritte's memory, and those of Mag the Mighty (the giant in the tunnel) and Grenn (who died fighting the giant in the tunnel). It's a friendly talk, all things considered, and Mance (Ciaran Hinds) lays it out plain: the wildlings are fleeing the White Walkers, and they want refuge. It's a short negotiation, and Jon never even gets to go for a kill shot before Stannis' knights shows up, making short work of the ragtag wildling "army."

Mance surrenders - wisely - and Jon convinces Stannis (Stephen Dillane) to take him prisoner. Oh, and to burn those dead bodies before nightfall. The rangers at Castle Black follow suit, burning the dead of the Watch in front of Stannis, Davos (Liam Cunningham), and a rather intense Melisandre (Carice Van Houten), who apparently turns into Beavis anytime someone lights a pyre.

Tormund (Kristofer Hivju), in chains but patched up thanks to Maester Aemon, convinces Jon to burn Ygritte in the "real" North, and Jon finally allows his stoic facade to crack. Or maybe the acting lessons are finally kicking in after four seasons. Things are about to get a mite interesting up Castle Black way, now that there's a new King in town as well as 100,000 "free folk" looking to change lodgings, as Fagin might say.

Brienne teaches an old Hound some new tricks.
Oh hey, here are Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright), Jojen (Thomas Sangster), Meera, and Hodor (and Summer), who have apparently been trudging northward offscreen for the last three episodes. They find a horde of Ray Harryhausen skeletons and a bomb-slinging elf person who describes herself as one of "the Children." They make it into the Elder Weirwood's root cellar (after losing Jojen, RIP you cryptic bastard) and meet the three-eyed crow; an ancient dude shot through with tree roots who tells Bran, "You'll never walk again, but you will fly." Thanks for the sour persimmons, cousin.

Back in Kings Landing, things aren't so rosy for the Mountain, erstwhile victor in the battle to determine Tyrion Lannister's guilt. According to not-maester Qyburn (Anton Lesser), the dearly departed Oberyn poisoned his weapon with venom from the "death's head manticore," causing his limbs to literally rot away. Qyburn convinces Cersei (Lena Headey) -- over Grand Maester Pycelle's (Julian Glover) objections -- to perform some ... special experiments. Woo hoo, looks like more zombies.

Cersei has less luck arguing against her marriage to Loras Tyrell with Tywin (Charles Dance) and finally plays her last hole card: threatening to tell the world that his "whole legacy is a lie" (i.e. she and Jaime really were incestuating). Jaime's (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) response to her revelation would probably have been less enthusiastic is she hadn't subsequently jumped him. That ought to quiet all the "rape in the sept" talk, huh? Yeah, probably not.

In Meereen, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) learns her new slave-free utopia is not quite all that. Old Fennesz in particular asks to be returned to servitude, instead of living in "fear and squalor." She allows the old dude to do so, against Barristan's advice. That seems pretty insignificant, however, when she meets the next supplicant, who presents the charred bones of his three-year old daughter. Looks like ol' Drogon's palate had "graduated" from sheep. Her response: chaining up Rhaegal, and Viserion in the catacombs. Somewhere, Kraznys mo Nakloz is laughing his ass off.

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I don't believe Arya is going to Braavos. She inquired about passage to the Wall so she can find Jon Snow. By showing the coin, she convinced the captain of the ship to do her bidding.

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