Sharking in the Seventies

Categories: Pop Culture

The Bionic Woman - "Deadly Music" (S03E17) - 1978
A device that *attracts* sharks instead of repelling them? That's some high-octane nightmare fuel right there. Fortunately for Jaime Sommers, she's more human than human, and can easily wrap iron bars around any attacking sharks, which then sink to the bottom of the sea, slowly suffocating in confusion and fear. Nice.


The Hardy Boys Mysteries - "The Last Kiss of Summer (Part 2)" (S03E02) - 1978
I just realized fabled TV producer Glen A. Larson had a hand in three of the shows listed here, meaning there's probably a great opportunity for a particularly terrifying Between Two Ferns about his crippling fear of sharks.

I described this Hardy Boys episode to my friends as the ultimate confluence of all things '70s: Shaun Cassidy, surfing, sharks, and the Bread song "If" on a seemingly constant loop. If the powers that be had only found a way to merge this with "The Return of Bigfoot," in which Steve Austin and Jaime Sommers team up with Sasquatch to fight aliens, Iran would never have dared take our embassy.

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Magnum, P.I. - "Home from the Sea" (S04E01) - 1983
Fine, 80s, whatever. Magnum is one of my favorite shows and this was a powerful episode, even if Thomas' zen shark repelling powers are about as plausible as Higgins, T.C., and Rick all experiencing identically simultaneous telepathic unease compelling them to hunt for their not-officially missing friend. Let this be a lesson to all sea kayakers: wear a life jacket, because a mustache loses buoyancy in less than a day.


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