These Are Toys? Odd Holiday Gifts For Your Kid

Liquid Ass
This can't go right
This product as a good holiday present caught me off guard. Here are its excellent selling points:

  • Highly concentrated, super-horrible smelling fart spray
  • Smells like ASS ... only worse

How could this present go right? Just give your child a can of chili and you'll have the same effect.

A Balance Bike

I hate you
Balance Bikes are pre-bike, bikes. They even come before bikes with training wheels, except with training wheels, you just take those off and you have a regular bike. With a Balance Bike your child learns how to balance but not pedal. According to Amazon, "Traditional bicycles place too much of the focus on learning to pedal -- skimping on developing your child's motor skills."

What the f#@% are you talking about? So, for 100 years or however long we've been riding bicycles, parents have been denying their children good motor skills? Are we all just walking into walls and dropping things on the floor all the time? Get your child a bike and stop talking about developmental issues that you just made up to sell a product. P.S. your kid is going to want a real bike regardless.

Horse Head

What every child wants this holiday season.

There is nothing fancy nor extraneous about this "toy." It is a horse head mask that guarantees you will be "the life of the party." For a child, I find it unsafe as many of the comments mention how difficult it is to see out of the mask. But on the flip-side of that, here is one of the comments, so maybe it is worth purchasing for your little one after all.

By ByronicHero on December 3, 2012

It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways. Now I question everything I thought I once knew and fear I am no longer capable of following through with my primary objective. I know that those who sent me will not relent. They will send others in my place... But we will be ready.

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MadMac topcommenter

"Really? Lab coats are cool Christmas gifts this year? Kids these days!"

You try finding Doc McStuffin paraphernalia, Ms. Reporter O'SmartyPants. I thought I'd buy positive role-model gifts for my goddaughters and almost got jacked up by two mothers and a granny at Target. So, yeah, my GDs getting lab coats size tinkerbell, from Amazon, where septuagenarians are NOT throwing elbows. That McStuffin ain't no joke.


However, I cannot and will not vouch for the horse head or Liquid Ass. IJS.


Amazon is right, actually, about the bikes. It's been shown that kids learn to ride a bike a lot faster if they first learn to balance it without the pedals. Way faster than training wheels, in fact. Training wheels don't teach balance. They teach mechanics. Mechanics are easy - the balance is what needs to be found in order to learn to ride a bike, and the training wheels hinder that. 

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