These Are Toys? Odd Holiday Gifts For Your Kid

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At least there is a warning label.

There is an amazingly funny old Saturday Night Live sketch with Dan Aykroyd and Candice Bergen in which Aykroyd, a toy salesman, is being interviewed on a fake show called "Consumer Probe." Bergen drills Aykroyd on his highly unsafe and ridiculous toys such as "Bag 'O Glass" and "Teddy Chainsaw Bear." Nowadays you would never even find such jokes being made because toys have to go through rigorous testing and virally anxious mom blogs, but that doesn't mean that there aren't those toys that make you say, "huh?"

Enter a press release that was forwarded to me from my editor from a company that makes lab coats and medical scrubs. Their claim is that this holiday season sales of child-sized lab coats and nurse scrubs have been through the roof.

"With virtually no advertising, we have received a flurry of orders for our kids products in recent weeks," said Lee Blum, president of Labwear.com via the company's press release.

Really? Lab coats are cool Christmas gifts this year? Kids these days! Of course, my mind immediately went to a dark place as I imagined a trend in children producing fake crystal meth due to the popularity of Breaking Bad. And then I thought that a kids fake meth lab would probably be a huge money-maker, but it would be incredibly disturbing at the same time.

I have admittedly been out of the toy-buying loop for sometime and so "all I want is a lab coat for Christmas" threw me off. I did some digging on Amazon's toy-buying guide and was perplexed by a number of their popular items that didn't seem much like toys.

Twilight Breaking Dawn "Bella's Hair Comb in Velvet Box

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Your daughter loves Twilight? That's nice. Don't buy her a $45 hair comb based on one that Bella wore in the movie. How silly is this? If it were $15 or less, I would be 100 percent behind this purchase for a teeniebopper obsessed with these movies, but $45 is a lot of money! Put it toward something she will use long-term, like a book about how to get middle school boys to be attracted to you; Lesson 1: don't wear Twilight accessories.

A Snowball Maker

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Are our children that inept that they can no longer take a wad of snow and squash it together between their two hands and form a ball-like shape? This is everything that is wrong with society. Parents either completely ignore their children or they demand perfection resulting in high stress environments filled with standardized tests to get into preschools, an overly-scheduled lifestyle and now the need for impeccably formed snowballs.

Wooden Eggs

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Wooden eggs. In a recyclable container. Thanks?


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4 comments
MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

"Really? Lab coats are cool Christmas gifts this year? Kids these days!"

You try finding Doc McStuffin paraphernalia, Ms. Reporter O'SmartyPants. I thought I'd buy positive role-model gifts for my goddaughters and almost got jacked up by two mothers and a granny at Target. So, yeah, my GDs getting lab coats size tinkerbell, from Amazon, where septuagenarians are NOT throwing elbows. That McStuffin ain't no joke.

harperatx
harperatx

However, I cannot and will not vouch for the horse head or Liquid Ass. IJS.

harperatx
harperatx

Amazon is right, actually, about the bikes. It's been shown that kids learn to ride a bike a lot faster if they first learn to balance it without the pedals. Way faster than training wheels, in fact. Training wheels don't teach balance. They teach mechanics. Mechanics are easy - the balance is what needs to be found in order to learn to ride a bike, and the training wheels hinder that. 

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