The 10 Biggest Fights at Thanksgiving

Categories: Random Ephemera

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Gotta love family holidays
In a completely unscientific poll done in 2011 by market research firm Harris Interactive, it was found that out of a 2,462 adults surveyed online, Thanksgiving was the No. 2 favorite holiday. The No. 1 holiday was Christmas.

In addition to loving turkey day, Americans also love to crash their cars on Thanksgiving, as in 2010 it was deemed the second most dangerous holiday to hit the roads. In addition to that news, an iVillage 2010 poll found that 65 percent of people anticipated a Thanksgiving brawl among their family. So compiling all of this (all over the place) data, we see that while people just love Thanksgiving, they also assume the holiday will end in an argument, thus leading to a car crash. Nice.

There are many reasons for family feuds, I've rounded up some of the best or worst or however you want to see it.

10. What time should we eat?
Why picking a time frame of when to over-eat can cause such animosity is beyond me, but for some reason we desperately need to argue over start times. Some families insist on eating at noon, while others don't even put the bird in until 4 p.m. This can cause a lot of drama, especially if you have a diabetic or bulimic in the family - they plan this stuff out down to the minute, people. The thing is this, you're going to eat; you understand that, right? So why does the time cause such a big to do? It just does.

9. Can I bring my new significant other?
There was a Parenthood episode some seasons back (don't judge, you have not watched this show and it's brilliant) where the family argues with big sister for trying to include her fiancé in the annual family photo. The couple is engaged to be wed for crying out loud, and the family says no dice on him being in the shot. Eventually, they cave, and Sarah Braverman is allowed to include her fiancé in the photograph. Guess what? They break up, and there is a memory of that guy in their lives forever. Inviting the new significant other causes lots of issues because, really, are you going to be together next year? If you honestly, genuinely, truly think that you are, bring him/her. But don't forget, this is the worst time to introduce a new flame to your family; they are crazy and drunk and feel full.

8. I Got Kicked Out of School/Fired/Failing At Life
There is a temptation to use the joy of the season to your advantage. "Excellent," you may think to yourself while twiddling your fingers together manically, "I'll tell mom and pop that I got the boot during our holiday dinner." Bad idea! This is going to cause a mess, plus it will ruin everyone's holiday. Seriously, dude, wait until Black Friday to dump your bad news, at least then your mother can calm her nerves with good deals at Walmart.

7. Mom, You Are a Bad Cook
Look, I know, you didn't mean to let it slip out of your mouth, but you've had one too many ports and the words just came drooling out like your burgundy salvia. "Aunt Mary's stuffing is so good, much better than yours, right mom?" The bad part is that you insulted your own mother's cooking through complimenting her arch-nemesis, the worst part is that you asked her to agree with you. Bad, bad, bad. Your mom is going to hate you. Luckily, moms don't tend to start huge fights while other people are around, rather they keep this information close to their chest and hold it against you at a later date. That or they cry in the bathroom.


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3 comments
MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

Good stuff, Ms. Koenig. Mutha' McClellan's family did the knock-down-drag-out shindig e'ry year. I saw one and spent the rest o' my childhood with my anti-social old man who believed in restaurants, desserts to go, and Jameson's in peace.

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