Ten Internet Dating Profiles You've Probably Been Matched With

ProfileScaryDudeRev.jpg
Photo courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

He Who Only Posts Douchey Photos
This guy is thoroughly confused on how to attract women, both online and in fo' real life. He is kind of like a vapid peacock, spreading his feathers and emitting a loud squawk to get your attention, only his feathers are hardly of the shiny, colorful sort. They're instead feathers of the more flexed-muscle type.

In not only his profile pic, but also every douchey photo he sends, he's flexing, shirtless, and inexplicably wearing sunglasses indoors. He's surrounded by a counter full of hair gel and Axe body spray, and you spy some really girly products alongside his Axe body wash in the filthy shower behind him.

It's for those reasons you begin to believe he actually buys into the idea of Axe getting him some random elevator lovin', and you shut those Internet doors with the quickness, well before he can jump on for the ride up. Smart move. Nothing is more awkward than an elevator ride with that guy.


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4 comments
Logicalbeauty
Logicalbeauty

Thank you for the accuracy and the good humor and good writing, Angelica! And I hope many, many people get their eyes on this because it's all...the truth :)  After many repeated 3 day trials...and joining of the dating sites, I  quickly learned of the sad set up it is. I was assaulted with fake profiles, many of which are actually 'hijacked' by some sleaze weasel, who's hiding behind this nice guy's photo. The nice guy doesn't even know this is happening, until a benevolent woman contacts him to let him know, his profile's being used by some schemer. You've covered really well all the creepies, but to also add, another type of man we are all aware of, is the  one that's a decade older than yourself, not your type, there's nothing in common, "and they are SO interested in YOU. lol. When I hear of couples actually meeting and falling in love AND getting married from meeting online, it amazes me. Keep laughing! 

wordlover
wordlover

Muahahaha! I can't stop laughing!  Great job! You nailed every single one.  -not nailed-nailed, but eh, you know what i mean.  Online Dating is a blessing and a curse. I've had a few friends meet their husbands/wives online, while I've also had a few other friends (myself included), have to get restraining orders and a bodyguard because of online dating.  It's a gamble for sure, everyone wants to hit the jackpot, right?  

MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

O-to-the-M-to-the-G. This is FUNNNNNNY! I sooooooooo glad I only use the interwebs for it's intended purpose--searching for Babylon5 movie news, Pam Grier pinups, and original Rand Paul speech material.

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