Pop Rocks: Five Examples of How Men's Hair Is Far Worse Than Women's Hair

Categories: Fashion

Just don't.
I've noticed lately that there has been an awful lot of hubub over Kate Middleton's hair. Apparently, the young royal has developed a few gray hairs on top of her soon-to-be-crowned head and the British tabloids -- like the New York Post, only sleazy -- are freaked the hell out speculating what this might mean for her head, for her family, for the monarchy. It has even hopped across the pond to American tabloids as if anyone would care, but nevertheless, the raging discussion continues. Is she prematurely gray? Has pregnancy taken its toll? Is she just too busy dusting off the crowned jewels (not a euphemism) to take care of her royal updo? No one knows.

As a man, I have long been fascinated by the obsession over the flowing locks of celebrities. I'm not sure if Jennifer Aniston was more tortured for her lack of making a baby or for her ever-changing hairdo. After all, the "Rachel" was actually a thing, God help us.

But, I am here to tell you, men's hair should, by far, be a greater cause of consternation to fashionistas if they were really paying attention. We, after all, once believed Grecian Formula was a good option for hair dye. Here are some other examples.

5. The Hair Helmet

When hairspray and hair gel go awry, the result is often a coif of hair that would not move if hurricane-force winds were blowing in this manly man's face. It's conservative, often gray and it never moves. Add some shellac and it could double as a football helmet. No one is running his or her fingers through this rat's nest.

4. The Mullet

Long the fashion statement of rednecks (and the occasional masculine female), the joke of the mullet is that the 'do is business in the front and party in the back. More accurately, it's sad in the front and tragic in the back. I know. I had one when I was in high school. It looks good on no one. The only thing worse is the Brony-Tail, but I'm not even going to dignify that with a mention.

3. The Fauxhawk

When you want to get the attention of the ladies, take that thinning hair and gel it up into a fake mohawk right in the middle of that trendy little head of yours. It says that you are sort of a bad boy, which is like being sort of bald. When you want to make a statement with hair in this way, either go the whole way and dye that sucker blue, or do like Eddie Murphy said in Coming to America and just "make it neat."

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James Ashworth
James Ashworth

I'm sorry, but I've got to say, ya'll must be running out of shit to write about.

MadMac topcommenter

Another "Coming to America," quote works for number two. "What is that, velvet? That's beautiful."


I am actually going to try the product that you sprinkle on bald spot and it miraculously forms hair.  Chica bow bow

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