Reviews for the Easily Distracted:
Ender's Game

Title: Ender's Game

Aren't They Actually Using Video Games to Train Today's Military? Yep. It's every teenage boy's dream, minus (or perhaps including) the genocide.

Rating Using Random Objects Relevant to the Film: Two and a half WOPRs out of five.

Brief Plot Synopsis: Boy genius may be mankind's last hope to repel quote-unquote imminent alien invasion.

Tagline: "This is not a game."

Better Tagline: "Well is it or isn't it? Make up your goddamn mind."

Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Decades after an invasion by the insectoid alien race known as the "Formics," the Earth-based International Fleet trains young people demonstrating aptitude in strategy and tactics at their orbiting Battle School. The most promising candidate the Fleet has ever seen is one Andrew "Ender" Wiggin (Asa Butterfield), and Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford), the school's leader, is eager to fast track him to eventual command of the fleet. For unbeknownst to the population at large, the Formics are massing for war once again.

"Critical" Analysis: There are a lot of franchise hopes riding on Ender's Game, the once "unfilmable" adaptation of Orson Scott Card's bestselling 1985 book. There are now 13 novels in the Ender series, which no doubt had the suits at Summit and Lionsgate seeing floating dollar signs like they were in an old Merrie Melodies cartoon.

Time will tell, but I think the odds of more Ender movies are pretty slim. It isn't that Butterfield and Hailee Steinfeld (as fellow student Petra) don't have good chemistry, or that Ford isn't up to the task (we even have a Finger of Doom sighting!), or that the visuals aren't most impressive. I even liked Ben Kingsley as Mazer Rackham, the legendary pilot who apparently learned alien fighting tactics from Randy Quaid in Independence Day. I just don't think the message will have the same impact.

In 1985, child soldiers weren't unheard of, but the idea of them fighting and dying as part of some wider military effort was still alien to most of us, which was why the novel packed such a punch. What's even more problematic is director Gavin Hood's decision to water down the details in order to obtain that lucrative PG-13 rating. The film is significantly less violent than its source material, which is a disservice to the narrative as well as the audience. These kids are supposedly going to war, but their training exercises seem more like elaborate zero gravity paintball matches.

The special effects are also a hindrance, but not for the reason you'd expect. The final training sequences, with Ender, Petra, and company at Command College preparing for battle, are impressive. Unfortunately, they end up softening the final reveal (I won't spoil anything, but come on - the book's 28 freaking years old), which is unveiled in such a muted fashion I honestly think some of the audience may not grasp what's going on.

Should you go see Ender's Game? Based on the film itself, I'd rate it a solid "meh." It's hard to believe teenagers in this day and age would be too impressed, but pre-adolescents might find it compelling. Fans of the book probably won't be too happy with the diluted Battle School sequences, the abruptness of the ending, or the way Hood whiffs on the Big Twist.

Then there are also those of you who will avoid the movie because of Card himself. I don't usually spend much time on the personality or political stances of the people involved in the films I review. For me, the analysis should focus overwhelmingly on what's up on the screen. But Card has put himself out there enough -- with his denouncing of gay marriage, the "homosexual activist agenda," and evolution -- to make it hard to separate the creator from his creation. Whatever the case, maybe you'd just rather not line the guy's pockets any more (good luck with that: the last estimate I heard, in 2012, was that the book had sold more than two million copies).

Then again, sources close to the movie report that -- thanks to having signed his deal years ago -- Card won't see any profits of the back end of the film. Of course, "sources close to the movie" are likely to try and minimize hits to the bottom line.

Reconciling the fact that plenty of great art was created by people you wouldn't piss on if they were on fire is a tricky proposition. Can you enjoy Rosemary's Baby (or, perhaps more relevantly, The Pianist) even knowing what you do about Roman Polanski? Richard Wagner was a notorious anti-Semite, do we throw out Die Nibelungen because of that (or do we let him off the hook because he's dead)? Or maybe you're conservative; does that turn you off to Springsteen's music? Do you boycott 30 Rock because of Alec Baldwin?

I'm not arguing that Card should get a pass. That's up to you. What I will say is that Ender's Game the movie just isn't that great. If that makes your decision easier, happy to be of service.

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Ender's Game is one of the most boring books I've ever read through to the end. Had it not been so incredibly hyped, I would have tossed it aside after a hundred pages. But I kept reading, thinking that there must be some payoff. I was wrong. What a boring, poorly written and unimaginative gimmick of a book with zero character development. Its success is stunning... I mean, until I consider that there are morons like the two in this thread. Then, I guess it can make a kind of sense.  


<i> I don't usually spend much time on the personality or political stances of the people involved in the films I review</i>

Followed by 3 (three) paragraphs on "how_bad_is_this_guy_and_why_i_must_show_that_I_hate_him" And the hits just keep on coming 


I don't usually spend much time on the personality or political stances of the people involved in the films I review

Followed by 3 (three) paragraphs on "how_bad_is_this_guy_and_why_i_must_show_that_I_hate_him" And the hits just keep on coming 


I had to read the whole review to understand your snippet from Rotten Tomatoes, at first I thought you were talking about the CGI team!

Having just read the book a few days ago before seeing the movie I think your review sums up perfectly what the film is: Diluted battle sequences, transparent profit scheme, poor chemistry and due warning about the creator's beliefs.


Wow, you have constructed a list of people that you wouldn't save if they were burning to death... I suspect that makes you worse than homophobe (unless that homophobe has also constructed a list of people they wouldn't save if said people were burning to death)...

On the movie, I felt that the main plot line was handled real well and the fact that the main plot twist felt relatively concealed was in my opinion, evidence that the director did a good job. I am in no way a die hard fan of the book. I read Ender's Game back in 7th grade a long time ago and I enjoyed it and then never read the rest of the series. I went with a friend who had not read the book and she did not see the plot twist coming. The hints were subtle and I liked that.

MadMac topcommenter

Good review, well handled politics, fun stuff as always, Mr. Vonder Haar. 


@dev6500 "I suspect that makes you worse than homophobe..."  Nah.  It just makes him a normal liberal.


@WinterSquall @dev6500 not that those are mutually exclusive but at the same time I was not really making a political joke ;p


@dev6500 @WinterSquall 

And on the seventh day, taking pity on pitiful Republicans, God created FALSE EQUIVALENCIES so that they might have something with which to defend their embarrassing ignorance. 

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