You Are Not From Houston, 10 Surefire Ways To Know
Fixing to Hunker Down At That Place You Stay At
Culturally, Houston-based linguistics is amazing to listen to. There are words and phrases that you just don't hear anywhere else in the world. When Ike hit, we were all told to "hunker down," which to a non-native may have meant something like, "dig a large hole and get in it." But it really means to... hunker down. The other day my five-year old neighbor told me he was fixing to turn six soon. Is there a problem with your age that needs remedying? When you are a non-Houston native you wish you could use this language and sound as cool as a five-year old. But you just wind up sounding dumb.
Say It Loud, Say It Proud: Dallas Sucks
If there is one defining characteristic that can be proclaimed about Houston natives it is that all of you hate Dallas. Why? I will admit, I've been there a few times and it wasn't the town for me, but Houstonians despise Dallas with a fevered passion as if the entire city killed your moms and then married your dads and then cut off your allowances. You guys really don't like Dallas. If any politician ran on the platform of "Dallas Sucks," I bet they would win by a landslide. Mayor Parker, maybe you want to incorporate this philosophy into your literature.