Top 7 Chainsaw Killers Who Aren't From Texas (With One NSFW Video)
My favorite horror film of all time is Texas Chainsaw Massacre for a variety of reasons. First of all, no film has ever had a better name. It's just not possible. Second, it has the perfect formula for a nightmare.
Our villains are utterly human and completely unearthly at the same time. Marilyn Burns keeps almost getting away but is repeatedly recaptured like a person usually is in an endless bad dream. Plus, there's that whole universal fear of cannibalism thing going on, but it's the saw itself that stands tallest I feel.
On a certain level I know that a chainsaw is a perfectly normal tool. My dad has one, and the only thing he murders is his own brain cells with too much Fox News. I know that, but when I see a chainsaw my first thought isn't, "That'd cut right through those dead branches." It's, "Holy shit, someone put a motor on a sword because they have grown bored with conventional murder.
That said, I don't think Texas should hog all the fun, and that's why today we celebrate Leatherface's fellow disciples of the saw. These disciples shall number seven to reflect the seven Chainsaw Massacre films.
Ashley Williams: Any talk of awesome masters of the saw must begin with Ash from Evil Dead and Army of Darkness. He famously amputates his hand when it becomes possessed by demons, and replaces it with a chainsaw. Nonetheless, even though he uses it as a new freakin' appendage, Ash never really rises above mediocre in the saw arts, preferring his boomstick and later a traditional sword to fight the Deadites.
Rancid: Mortal Kombat got all the hype, but Time Killers was way more bloody than the more famous game ever was, allowing you to start cutting off opponents' limbs during the actual match. The standout character was Rancid, a chainsaw-wielding punk from 2024 who was on the run after being accused of a grisly set of murders. I always liked him because he looked like Egon from the Ghostbusters cartoon had gone nuts.
Chuck Green: While Rancid sticks with the straight-forward approach of chainsaw technique, the protagonist of Dead Rising 2 is more... innovative in his approach. Honorable combatants may favor the two chainsaws attached to a paddle for that Shaolin bo style, but for me nothing beats the infamous chainsaw bike.
Our lawyers have asked me to remind our readers that in the event the dead do rise, this will not actually work and you will die... badly. Just watch the video. It's less hurtful that way.
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