Mrs. Hall, You Can Actually See a Girl Naked Then Treat Her Like a Human Being
|Me on stage with a girl whose nipple I've seen and did not feel the compulsion to sexually bother|
I used to be in a band, sharing singing duties with a girl who I once convinced to show me a picture of her nipple piercing. On tour, I slept in the same bed as her, a girl with whom I had a very passionate artistic relationship often involving love songs and with whom I was often very drunk. Nothing ever even slightly happened between us. Why would it? She wasn't my girlfriend or wife and I wasn't in love with her. She was just my awesome lyric and singing partner.
Also, she was the only one in the band that didn't snore.
I even have friends that have posed nude for fetish websites, appeared topless in horror movies, and in two cases have filmed hardcore pornographic videos. At any given time on Facebook I probably have at least one girl I have seen naked active in my newsfeed.
And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to them that I've seen it, and it doesn't matter to me. It's perfectly possible to look at someone in a seductive pose with fun bits out, feel physical attraction to them, and still have a normal friendly relationship to that person. A person is supposed to handle sexual feelings with wisdom, restraint, and a sense of propriety for the same reason you're not supposed to eat an entire bag of Halloween candy in one sitting.
As Penn Jillette said, "I rape all I want. The amount I want is zero."
It's not the job of those girls to censor their lives or activities in order to shield me from the prospect of a boner I can't use on them. Just because a man gets hard does not mean that the source of that erection owes him anything or is in some way attacking his morality. Any arousal that results from a picture they post of themselves is my problem to deal with because it's my body, just as Tom Hiddelston and Chris Hemsworth are not responsible for cleaning soggy theater seats. Only scary people equate desire with an attack.
That's the crux, Mrs. Hall. My parents didn't hide the world of sex from me. Instead, they taught me to respect other people's boundaries and my own body, to actually deal with feelings rather than avoid them and hope they go away. It seems to me the lesson you're teaching your own boys is that a woman that in any way causes a man to feel sexual, opens herself to all kinds of things.
And that sort of thinking is very dangerous. It absolves guilt in the minds of a person. Nothing erodes a person's morality faster than assuring them it's not their fault. Frankly, if your sons can't be trusted to view pictures of their friends on Facebook in their pajamas, I'm not sure I'd want them around my daughter. Will they lose their "daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure" if she bends over to pick up something she drops?
Speaking of my daughter, I named her after a girl I also saw both topless and bottomless. When I visit her grave I'm not thinking about the night she flashed me as a birthday present. I'm thinking about how much I miss hearing her laugh and if she would approve of the man I became.
In one sense, you are right. I can never un-see what I saw, meaning I haven't forgotten the details of various breasts and vulvas. It's just that mama raised me to value the woman they were attached to. Block your sons' friends if you must, but have a care that they know that such things do not release them of the responsibility of their own dicks. Morality has nothing to do with the way others make us feel. It's defined by our actions resulting from those feelings.