5 URLs You Can Safely Ignore When Your Friends Share Links on Facebook

Categories: The Intertubes

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Now, I am a professional Internet writer, which means that I get a lot more practice at it than most of you because my paycheck is directly tied to exactly how much insane nutjobbery I can mine from the ample veins of the online world.

And that's a good world to live in.

Since I have this gig, I typically get a lot of friends on Facebook tagging me or sending me links that were shared by friends asking if they are legit. I usually resist responding with the link to Google's homepage because 99 percent of the time I can tell within a second whether or not monkey poo is hurtling towards my eyes in the form of 1s and 0s just by looking at the home URL of the link.

Today I thought I'd let you know which links you can safely ignore if the question is legitimacy because these almost never are. I say almost never, because even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Don't let that keep you from getting a working watch, though.

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Natural News: Let's start with my hippy friends, the ones that think aspartame gives you cancer and that GMOs are essentially that ice cream from The Stuff. Links from Natural News are rarely anything but extreme left-wing paranoia, though for variety's sake they've started bashing on Obama and gun control lately as well to remain well rounded chicken littles. Nonetheless, any website that posts articles claiming that the cure to AIDS is more water is assuredly nuts.

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Infowars: Alex Jones is God-Mammon of all the great conspiracy cranks, and unfortunately he is also insanely popular in the most literal translation of that term. He's the sort of person that would accuse ionic bonds of unionizing, and his websites, especially Infowars, are the pipeline from which he dribbles a combination of fear and hate into the mouths of listeners like a mama bird that's eaten a poison worm.

My personal favorite bit of wackiness from the man was when he set out to prove that a mention of a Sandy Hook section of Gotham in The Dark Knight Rises proved that the Adam Lanza shooting was part of a wider conspiracy. The fact that it had previously been mentioned in Gotham Knight four years prior is either ignored or just more proof depending on how much your mother drank while she was pregnant.

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8 comments
James Holmes
James Holmes

Houston Press deleted the discussion on this thread. COWARDS. You have officially lost my support and gained my OUTSPOKEN OPPOSITION.

Edie Stavinoha
Edie Stavinoha

My favorite line: "Most reporters I know are fairly liberal for the same reason most bankers I know are conservative."

H_e_x
H_e_x

Agreed on all counts. I've wondered which is worse, Natural News or Info Wars? Both are bat-shit insane, but I have a feeling that Natural News might have influenced some people's decisions not to get proper treatment for their illnesses, so they might be worse.

Tyler Cannon
Tyler Cannon

This article is absolutely awesome. Unfortunately it won't be shared as much as the articles on these sites are. It doesn't matter what you think about GMOs or aspartame, you should be getting your information from actual journalists. Real news organizations are held accountable for making false claims, these websites are not. That's why it's a big deal when CNN or NPR gets something wrong. It's really a shame, because everyone knows not to take the National Enquirer seriously, but for some reason, people don't approach these websites with the same skepticism.

James Holmes
James Holmes

So you think aspartame and GMO's are good for you? Please let me know how supporting and consuming Monsanto products works out for you. I'll tell my friends not to waste time on articles written by this person.

Meredith Nudo
Meredith Nudo

The Blaze and The Daily Mail, too. Awesome article!

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

@James Holmes Please mail us your Loss of Support statement and application for Outspoken Opposition to complete your transaction. Allow 2 - 5 business days for processing. 

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