Reality Bites: The Man With The 132-Lb Scrotum
The easy option for a column like this, and honestly the approach I almost took, was to construct it entirely from John Bender's dialogue in The Breakfast Club:
Bender: Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty. Claire: No thank you. Bender: How does he ride a bike? Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy who looked like this? Claire: Can't you just leave me alone? Bender: I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the back seat because his nuts would ride shotgun.
Even if we ignore the 132-lb elephantiasis in the room, questions about how this situation could progress to the point where radical surgery was required to remove a Molly Ringwald-sized mass remain. Unfortunately, anyone looking for incisive commentary on the gaps in America's healthcare system aren't best answered by the network that brings you Extreme Cougar Wives and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Wesley Warren Jr.'s scrotum was growing at the rate of three pounds a month. Most guys wouldn't mind a little extra mass down there -- for jeans-filling-out purposes -- but Warren had scrotal elephantiasis. In case you couldn't tell from the "elephant" root to that name, it means his ball sack eventually weighed in at 160 lbs, according to doctors.
If you're like me, your first thought was: how many testicle-related puns can I make at Warren's expense? But then your second thought should have been: how the hell did this guy let what something that began in 2008 develop into a condition requiring the use of milk crates to board a bus and an upside-down hoodie to hide his scrotum from public view?
He's lucky he wasn't shot by an inverted George Zimmerman, I guess.
Why the condition wasn't corrected earlier is somewhat unclear. Warren blames Nevada's healthcare system for its inability to offer him treatment out of state, forcing him to seek funds via Facebook and Howard Stern to help him. He was also, however, reportedly offered free surgery by Dr. Mehmet Oz (in return for exclusive rights to his story, because sure) and a doctor in Greece, which he declined over concerns about surviving the surgery and being unable to fit into an airplane bathroom, respectively.