Lewis Black and NY Can Kiss Texas's Ass: From the Mouth of a New Yorker

Categories: Random Ephemera

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#TXmiddlefingerNY
So, yeah, apparently comedian Lewis Black is now speaking for the entire state of New York and has declared Texas stateona non grata. Earlier this week, Black, who is a semi-regular ranter for The Daily Show created a video entitled "New York, Better Than Texas," and the video has its own domain nymiddlefingertx.com and hash tag, #NYmiddlefingerTX. Middle fingers flash across the screen basically conveying that NY is saying 'eff you to the Lone Star state. How rude.

The video goes on to list off the reasons why NY is better than TX; you can eat pizza with sushi on it at eight in the morning and they've got a big green statue called Lady Liberty. Meanwhile, TX has, I guess in Black's mind, nothing worth eating, seeing, doing or being a part of, and we have big giant blow-up cowboys, which I will agree don't rival the Statue of Liberty, but what does?

As a full blooded, born and raised New Yorker who drops her "Rs" in words like "horse" and adds them into words like "saw," I found this video to be somewhat offensive. I have lived in Houston for close to six years and as someone that has seen both sides of the coin, I think Texas has gotten a seriously bad rap. Sure, our governor's veins surge with venom from a dangerously cute slow loris, and yes there are some seriously kooky and downright offensive laws that seem to pass in our state legislature as if everyone in the government is constantly drinking spiked Gummy Beary Juice, but save those abnormalities, this is a damn fine state.

And guess what, New York is not the cat's pajamas. It's only the cat's old, tattered bunnysuit with a hole around the genitals. Basically what I'm saying is that as much as I love the Big Apple with all of my soul, they need to get off of that very high pedestal/soap box they have all climbed to the top of. Texas has its issues, but New York has just as many, and conversely New York has great things, but so does Texas. So go screw.

New York has the best food in the world
Yes, yes, we all know that you go to New York and you can get the nowest, hippest, combination of donut croissant Malaysian Hawaiian fusion in the world. But you know what else you get at New York restaurants? Rats. There are rats everywhere and it's disgusting. I cannot even count on two hands the number of restaurants in NYC that I've eaten at in which I saw a rat. One time I was at a very over-priced Indian joint and there was a dead rat under the table next to mine. The patrons screamed and left furiously and the waiter kicked the rat to the side and then immediately sat another party. That's nasty.

I have been to multiple cities in the state of Texas and never once have I seen a rat or heard tell of a major rat infestation. What I have heard is that some of the best chefs in the entire country are opening up shop right here in Houston, and Dallas and Austin ain't shabby either.

Texas is nothing but a bunch of rednecks

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Photos by Robin Harper/Courtesy of Inivision for Parkwood Entertainment/beyoncemediacenter.com
We don't breed hicks, we breed superstars here.

Before I moved to Houston, I too had the misperception that the streets would be filled with cattle and everyone rode a horse or pick-up truck to their job on the ranch (the truck thing was not that far off base). New Yorkers have no idea what Texas is like so they play into the "southern stereotypes" of hillbilly.

I'll tell you a little secret. If you drive about two hours out of the Mecca that is the Five Burroughs, you will find the MOST redneck group of people that you have ever encountered in your entire life. True story: near where I grew up in Poughkeepsie, there is a town called Onion Town that most of us were too afraid to go within five feet of for fear that we would be abducted by a series of Children of the Corn types. Growing up, everyone knew about Onion Town and even knew a kid or two that lived there. Everyone in Onion Town is related through inbreeding and dentistry has not yet been invented. Lewis Black, this is also your New York. Additionally, if you drive anywhere past Albany there are only country music stations.

New York is the most international city in the world.
Wrong, Lewis Black, wrong. The most international city in the country happens to be our very own Space City. Boom! And guess what ass-hat, Texas has the second highest population of Bhutanese refugees in the country. Boom again!

Texas' governor is the devil incarnate

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This guy will be your mayor soon. And P.S. this is one your most popular newspapers.

I will not argue with any ill words about Ol' Perry and the fact that he thought that praying for rain might make it so. But, New Yorkers, you realize that in a few short months your new mayor will be Anthony Weiner. His name writes its own punch line. This guy, that you will all vote for because you have no better options, who has the maturity level of a fifth grader who just realized that if he touched his own dingdong it would change size, this guy will be your mayor. You will all vote for him. Should I also remind you of your ex-governor Eliot Spitzer and that you will also all vote for him to be City Comptroller because, again, there are too many more important things to worry about like which Asian-Yiddish fusion restaurant you will wait two hours in line to get into tonight?

Perry may be a moron, but he is not a hypocrite. He's always a moron.


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37 comments
WestSideBob
WestSideBob topcommenter

Mr Black has made a career of being provocative.  The video is both provocative and funny.  If you need more proof, find his stand-up bit about the only place in the universe where there are two Starbucks across the street from each other.  The place ... River Oaks, Houston, TX.

DeathBreath
DeathBreath

First of all, I love Lewis Black.  For those of you who seem to wake up in a new world every day, let me enlighten you.  Lewis Black used to live in Houston.  I seriously doubt it would take longer than a week to form a fairly accurate picture of this fucking state.  Yes, I'm a native of this once-great state.  


Now, Texas is overrun with religious zealots hell-bent on eradicating two main things, homosexuality & abortion.  You might also throw in pornography to the mix.  Basically, this all boils down to one thing, sexual reductionism.  


In the past, Texas was blue.  Then, came the Evangelicals with power.  Things haven't been the same since then.  

Wasn't Houston where the prayer orgy was held?  Yes, Pretty Boy Perry was pandering to the chosen ones, the "true Christians."  Fuck you!  Tell me this, to borrow a line from another famous Houston comedian, why would Christ want to come back when many are wearing crosses around their fucking necks?  

So, if you don't have a fucking sense of humor, you need to get one instead of whining all the time. 

lys1022
lys1022

I would like to point out that there is a lot more to New York than NYC, so the FIRST thing that has to happen is that people need to stop confusing the two places.  I grew up in Western NY, a drive of over 8+ hours from NYC.  My home was a small town in orchard country, with apples, cherries, pears and certainly NOT anything resembling a skyscraper.  I loved where I grew up.  It is beautiful, and the people are amazing.  It is a great place.

I would like to point out that there is more to Texas than cowboys, BBQ and mega-churches.  I have lived here for over 13 years now.  And just for the record, I drive a pick-up, am a helluva shot with a gun, and enjoy the heat.  However, I saw the first rat I've ever seen in my life here in Texas, sleep in on Sundays, and enjoy a good crossword puzzle with the rest of 'em.  I love where I live now.  It is beautiful, and the people are amazing.  It is a great place.


So maybe folks should get off the stupid stereotyping and realize that there is diversity, goodness, and evil just about everywhere.  I went to Austin to protest against the laws that have been introduced in the recent special session because I disagree with them.  The group that I went with was composed equally of Democrats, Republicans, and Independents.  The women ranged in age from their 20's to their 60's.  Some are mothers, some aren't.  What we all agree on, though, is that we love where we live and want it to continue to be a great place for everyone.  Just as the people all around New York State want their state to continue to be a great place.

I'm really tired of people falling for the political machine's tricks and getting dragged into pointless insults that turn their attention from the issues and the people doing the manipulating.

gary_d
gary_d

Why does Abby sound like a whiny ass crybaby?  

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

A very funny piece and considering Rick Perry started it, they have a right to shove it back down his throat. 

ltrasczak
ltrasczak

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT invite any New Yorkers to come to Texas.

For God's sake look what they've done to California!!

Look what they've done to New York!!

No New Yorkers... YOU DON'T WANT TO COME HERE.

Really... people from New York won't like it here.  There are to many churches and gun owners and pick up trucks and Republicans.  There aren't enough rats or funny smells to make you feel at home.  It's hot, it's humid, and on Sunday mornings we get up and go to Church instead of doing the Times Crossword while listening to NPR. 

NO NEW YORKER HAS EVER COME TO TEXAS AND BEEN HAPPY.   Really.  It's true. You won't like it.  Stay home....

burningfaith666
burningfaith666

I love how the article TOTALLY IGNORES THE REASON LEWIS BLACK MADE THE PIECE IN THE FIRST PLACE! It was not a puff piece like the above to just pit one state against another, Rick Perry is trying to poach CA and NY's buisnesses! He took ads out in those states BASHING THOSE STATES!!! So to totally ignore this fact and just talk about Lewis shows how ignorant and worthless as a human being Abby Koenig is.

baboonofaman
baboonofaman

With Perry dropping ads in NY slamming NY to try and scalp their businesses, we sort of had it coming.

blackseitan
blackseitan

Poughkeepsie a "white bread bedroom community." Ha ha ha! That's cute.

ducttaperoses
ducttaperoses

Don't forget the Medical Center.  Not that New York doesn't have hospitals, but it sure as Hell doesn't have our hospitals.  When kings get cancer, they come here.

sherye.johnson
sherye.johnson

Oh....BTW who would care to compare things to do in New York versus Texas? Seriously folks, we dont have much to brag about, except for the number of low paying jobs.


sherye.johnson
sherye.johnson

If people would look at how Texas compared to the United States 15 years ago and now, they would realize that Texas is one fucked up state. And it started 10 years ago in 2003 when the republicans gained control of the Texas House. It has been all downhill ever sense. Texas has become a sewer with the only good statistic being number of jobs, which isnt as rosy as Perry wants it to be. But we absolutely suck in every other category. It is embarrassing. It wasnt this bad 10 hyears ago. But since we are a bunch of toothless, rednecks with the mental capability of a lizard, we, as a state don't even know we are swimming in our own sewage. Sad.

Nate
Nate

And the whole job thing. Thank $100/bbl oil for that. Boom and bust cycles. You newcomers don't know about that, and think everything is a boom. That's cute. 

And lists?  How about poverty levels?  Education levels?  Uninsured?  Teenage pregnancy?  Percentage in prison?  People executed?  

Nate
Nate

Wow. The ignorance in this article, it hurts. First of all, the whole NY/TX thing that Black is referring to was started by Perry running radio ads saying how awesome Texas is and how every other state sucks in said states. 


Second, glad you moved from some white bread bedroom community in NY to lily white inside the loop Houston. Next time, try Katy. Or Midland. Or Beaumont. Or College Station. Or Fort Worth. Or Kerrville. That's the Texas that hasn't elected a Democrat to a statewide office since pretty much Ann Richards. 


Learn what Texas really is, and then write an article. 

baldheretic
baldheretic

I'm a native Texan and I thought the video was funny as hell.

keithblank
keithblank

Can't we all just get along...and be glad we don't live in Florida?

h_e_x
h_e_x

We should all defer to a city that changed its election laws to allow its billionaire mayor to run again.

adriennebyard
adriennebyard

You might have redeemed yourself from that "outer loop" mess of an article you wrote. This is funny.

HooHaa
HooHaa

This whole article felt like a toddler slamming its fists on a highchair. You're comparing Rick Perry to Anthony Weiner? Really?

One tweets pics of his junk the other systematically destroys rights and is openly homophobic. Yes, totally comparable. 

And jobs - oh yes, how's that whole deregulation thing working out for you? Pollution everywhere, plants blowing up - oh yes, a panacea. Good thing people have places to work, though.

conebaby
conebaby topcommenter

I'm a NYer and I thought it was funny as fuck.

cd32281
cd32281

Technically speaking, isn't the Statue of Liberty within New Jersey's border?

pdcgimpy
pdcgimpy

@DeathBreath right you are.  Houston was the place where they went and prayed for rain but got more wildfires.

ltrasczak
ltrasczak

@burningfaith666 The ridiculous anti-business politics of New York and California is driving business to either move or die. Rick Perry is giving them an exit strategy.  Nobody is forcing the legislatures in New York to push taxes and regulations. Nobody forced Connecticut to ban their own gun industry, and nobody forced eastern Pa to chase out the gas drillers. http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/gas-drillers-cancel-lease-pa-142652601--finance.html

If Californians and Yankees are stupid enough to abuse the people who are providing them with gainful employment in the fourth year of "recovery summer"  it's not our fault.

h_e_x
h_e_x

@Nate It's not like the oil industry has ever gone bust before *looks back to '83*.

ltrasczak
ltrasczak

@Nate "That's the Texas that hasn't elected a Democrat to a statewide office since pretty much Ann Richards. "  :)  I know... ain't it GREAT?!!   I'm so proud!

jcfaurejr
jcfaurejr

@Nate Lily white?  Houston was just recognized as the most diverse city in the US?  What are you talking about?

h_e_x
h_e_x

@baldheretic Who can hate Lewis Black? The man talks about anything and everything.

aliberaltexan
aliberaltexan

@HooHaa You sound like a HooHaa dumbass yankee.  I've lived in New York and deplore the rat-infested cesspool.  Fuck you New York, Texas style!!

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

@cd32281 The side of New York City on the Jersey side is still considered New York City. Let me put it this way, New York City is so big that it's GDP is above many countries. The state of New York is the tail that tries to wag the big dog. 

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

@ltrasczak More of the same bullsh|t we've come to expect from lying rightwingnuts. Sorry, bud those lies aren't working anymore. New York AND California (under Jerry Brown) are doin fine and the only thing Texas got is the Oil and Gas business which it really doesn't have ANY say in because Perry has been told long ago to keep his nose out of it. Texas leads the nation in below minimum wage jobs and education support...a product of both you are an obvious beneficiary of. 

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

@ltrasczak @Nate Get ready for a bit more white flight, bud. Once a federal judge snips those spaghetti strand political districts, say goodbye to your artificial majority. 

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