Suspect Summer Jobs From Craigslist

Categories: Random Ephemera

summerjob.jpg
Brush off that resume
School is finally out for summer, and while you may have planned on spending the next three months sitting on your couch, live-Tweeting your binge watch of The Golden Girls while ordering gluten-free pizza from Pinks, your parents probably have a different idea of how you should spend your summer vacation. It's time for a summer job.

Even if your parents are totally fine with you wasting your days on your "Me and my Friend Jeremy's Cat" tumblr because you have assured them that it will soon get picked up as a new reality show, you still need some cash to float your app-downloading addiction. The most obvious place to look for a crappy summer job that will give you some spending cash while not utilizing too many of your braincells is Craigslist. I am here to warn you; if a job posting on Craigslist says that you will take home $1,000 a day, it is not kosher.

Here are a few other suspect Craigslist jobs that I stumbled across this week:

Immediate Part Time Summer Work
Part time positions available in entry-level customer sales and service.
No knocking on random doors or annoying/high-pressure customer tactics
All applicants are welcome, so long as they are 17+ and have a high school diploma.
Great pay and flexible schedules are available.
Simple training will be provided to those who are accepted

Jobs that immediately need people yet refuse to tell those people what it is they so desperately need them to do are very shady. Why tell us what you are not (annoying/high-pressure) and just tell us what the hell you actually are.
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Hiring Beautiful Body Rub Ladies ASAP
We Knead YOU!!!!
Interviewing This Week
Top income earner potential is $24,000-$75,000 or MORE
Go Home Daily with Cash
Flexible scheduling
If you would be comfortable working in Hooters, you will love it here!!!

No one can say these guys don't have a sense of humor. They "knead" you; that's some clever shit. And the amount of money they are throwing around is certainly tempting but before you apply please, I implore you, ask yourself this important question: Would you be comfortable working in Hooters?
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Embarrassed by Diarrhea
Local research study open now for people with frequent diarrhea. Compensation for time and travel.

Being a lab rat for the summer may appear to be an easy and fulfilling way to spend your time, and if you eat enough prunes you could find a way to slide into this study. Hey, it might be fun. You will be doing a good deed; you are helping doctors find cures for afflicting ailments. You may meet some interesting people, although all of them will have the runs. You might even find that a life in the medical profession is your thing. But there is one major problem, you will have to spend the entire summer having diarrhea.
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Ubbbbbber organized office assistant needed
Part time assistant needed for design/ event planning business. Gay man preferred. Lots and lots of old filing to be done. I have stacks of paperwork and receipts that need to be dealt with. I'm too busy working and have no time or interest in dealing with it. Creative talent not required. A type personality def a plus. Definite growth potential. Contact me for location, hourly rate, etc. This is a legit offer. No pervs please
.

Oh, you would have applied to it if only he was looking for a perv.
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TV: IN CONFLICT W LOVED ONE**OR**NEED FREE DNA TEST? FLY FREE TO NYC!
WE ARE INTERESTED IN HELPING TO SOLVE ANY AND ALL TYPES OF DISPUTES, NOT LIMITED TO BUT INCLUDING:

- FAMILY DRAMA - COUPLES DRAMA - EXES - BEING FLASELY ACCUSED - SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A (FREE) DNA TEST - SOMEONE WHO GOT SCAMMED - SOMEONE WHO CHEATED - SOMEONE WHO STOLE SOMETHING VALUABLE - SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A (FREE) LIE DETECTOR TEST - SOMEONE WHO WAS BULLIED - SOMEONE WHO HATES YOUR MATE - OR ANY OTHER DISPUTE!

Well, they pay you in lie detector tests but you will always have a great story to tell. If you don't fall into any of these categories, and they are quite broad, you'll have to make up an elaborate tale about your daddy's momma's baby's cousin who stole something valuable from you, such as your dignity. But that is more than worth it for a flight to NYC. However, is fibbing to get a free lie detector test just a little too meta? I think so.
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(((NOW HIRING ENERGETIC STREET SIGN SPINNERS- GREAT PAY))) (HOUSTON AND SURROUNDING AREAS)
Want to supplement your income? If you like being the center of attention we have the job for you! You can be working by THIS WEEKEND!

I don't know if I would call being one of those hot, miserable guys, usually in absurd costumes, who spin around signs in an attempt to get cars to stop and take notice of the newest Great Clips or LA Fitness as someone who "likes being the center of attention." Tom Cruise likes being the center of attention.

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3 comments
abcd
abcd

Damn, I'm OK with Diarrhea.  Guess I'll keep looking.

Russ McClung
Russ McClung

When did the HP become a college newspaper? I've noticed this.. Trend in under-age-25 target audience over the last year or 3

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