Jack Chick's Anti-D&D Comic is Becoming a Movie! 5 More We Hope Get Made
JR Ralls of Portland, OR won some money in the lottery. Not like a million dollars, but enough to where he felt like he had to do something significant with it to better humanity. To that end he bought the movie rights to famous evangelical comic strip producer Jack Chick's acclaimed 1984 "Dark Dungeons," which told the story of how young role-playing gamers were just casting twelve-sided dice on THEIR OWN DAMNATION! DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUH!
I love Jack Chick tracts, and maintain a complete collection. I even used to scan and doctor them to create Black Math Experiment flyers because they are that insane. They're vaguely racist, anti-science, scary as a naked clown with a bloody chainsaw, and lovingly drawn by a man who is honestly a comic genius... albeit the way Dr. Doom is a genius.
Ralls began a Kickstarter campaign to help make the movie a reality, and they are near their goal. That's a hint. Go give him your money. There is nothing in the world more awesome than seeing the madness of Chick come to cinematic life. If Ralls is screwing with Chick, it'll be epic. If he's not, it will be a thousand time more epic. The Satanism scare involving goth and gaming in the '80s and '90s remains one of the most hilarious time periods in pop culture ever, and it must be captured on film.
And if Ralls succeeds... there's plenty more where that came from.
Creationists Ruined My Ability to Enjoy Watching My Daughter Ride a Dinosaur
Uninvited:Jack Chick honestly believes two things. One, that being gay is not a choice... but only because being sexually molested is not a choice. Uncle Touchy and Father Nutfondle are responsible for pretty much all homosexuals who aren't just doing it because gay sex is so deliciously sinfully great, oh my God you guys. Second, that only gay people catch AIDS because that's totally how viruses work.
Below the surface of this, though, is a nurse who has been raped, and who has found strength after her experience through her faith. That's awesome, it really is, but I'd love to see how that played out in a movie. You have to admire Chick's skill here by using someone you universally feel for as his messenger of a messed up agenda. Yet her survival leads only to more misuse and misunderstood hate. That's straight up Ken Kesey right there.
The Death Cookie: As you may have picked up in the last entry, Jack Chick has nothing but contempt for Roman Catholics as well. He lays out a controlling scheme as transparent as anything in Dr. Strangelove, and tops it all off by reducing communion to getting a cookie from God. And thus is a global evil empire established... over a cookie. It's like a Patton Oswalt bit come to life.