5 Bachelors for Martha Stewart to Date

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Martha Stewart is a busy lady. She's running an empire, fighting legal battles with several retailers, constantly showing up to daily talk shows to give lessons on how to properly clean your whites and/or bake a cake in the shape of a birdhouse, and now she's also online dating. Stewart has said that she's getting a bit lonely and so, as she is a modern woman, she made herself a profile on Match.com, or probably had one of her minions do it for her.

Regardless, Stewart has gotten more than 20,000 pageviews and roughly 1,000 date offers from various gentlemen who are interested in the domestic diva and all of the petits fours and floral arrangements she has to offer. Last Thursday, after narrowing the enormous list down to two men, she met them on The Today Show, just like your average first date. And like your average first date it was awkward, with lulls in the conversation, and a needling Matt Lauer on hand.

The two gentlemen in question seem like nice enough guys; one's a director who loves dogs and a good glass of wine, and the other is an international steel trader who likes swimming in the ocean and his two kids. Neither one mentioned a great love for organizing closets, however.
Stewart needs someone who can handle her crazy schedule and the spotlight. May I suggest a few bachelors that she might enjoy sharing a slice of her famous French apple pie with (if you know what I mean).

5. Jon Voight

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Is that a sweater over your jacket? Martha Stewart can help you fix that.
I think Stewart could do a world of good in Jon Voight's life. His personal life is anything but Hollywood typical; he's got that on-again-off-again relationship with his daughter, he's a Tea Party member and he has been very vocal about his opposition to President Obama. These are not traits I see Stewart liking, but Voight did go from a young, wild liberal to a more mature conservative and Stewart might just find that dedication to a cause hot. She too has a very dedicated personality, especially when it comes to simple but elegant holiday decorations.

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Is that a handmade hat?
If the world thought it was hilarious watching Schwarzenegger attempt to monitor the behaviors of kindergarteners, imagine how funny it will be to watch the guy attempt to knit a chenille sweater out of leftover lint from a dryer filter. That would be classic. Plus, given his marital blunder, he is probably in need of a second chance, and no one knows second chances better than Stewart.


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5 comments
Roland Ruiz
Roland Ruiz

They should have dating websites for convicted felons.

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