Pop Rocks: People Naming Gwyneth Paltrow Their "Most Beautiful Woman" Isn't As Controversial As They'd Like to Think

Categories: Pop Rocks

paltrow0425.jpg
Great, this is just what she needed.
I guess if you're going to keep doing that dumbass "Sexiest Man Alive" thing, you have to keep this up as well. People magazine really did a bang-up job handing their Most Beautiful Woman title to Gwyneth Paltrow, though. I haven't been online all that much the last day or so, but even peripheral virtual digging revealed the choice was not a popular one.

And that's the whole point, isn't it? Is Paltrow beautiful by...somebody's standards? Sure, probably. But there were safer choices: Kate Upton, maybe, or Halle Berry, or Aishwarya Rai, but none of them are also currently topping Star's Most Hated Celebrity List, like Paltrow is. As a tongue-wagger, it's a heck of a brouhaha.

But before you go congratulating People on their bold choice, at least acknowledge they could've been quite a bit more controversial.

Melissa McCarthy -- Plenty of folks, male and female, claim a sense of humor is the most important factor in finding a romantic partner. Plenty of folks (several of my ex-girlfriends among them) are filthy fucking liars, but People could easily have argued Wilson's comedy timing and movie roles (Bridesmaids, This Is 40) justified her winning. And the subsequent deluge of "But she's *FAT*" tweets would've brought social media to its (virtual) knees. See also: Rebel Wilson.

Amanda Palmer -- Admittedly, most of us wouldn't recognize the name if not for the unfortunate "A Poem for Dzhokhar," and rewarding what feels like a publicity stunt with yet another publicity stunt likely wouldn't go over well.

Whatever. I still dig the Dresden Dolls.

Kim Kardashian -- The pregnancy makes this dicey, because while People might have gotten away with that bullshit about how pregnancy makes a woman feel beautiful (I know several formerly pregnant women who would disagree), they'd be seriously underestimating the amount of Kardashian hate out there. On the other hand, if they'd named Princess Kate using the same rationale, they'd be labeled Brit lovers. It's hell being a gossip rag.

Anne Hathaway -- The public perception of the Les Miz Oscar winner has done a 180 faster on anyone I can think of besides Taylor Swift. Frankly, I find Hathaway much more attractive than Gwyneth Paltrow, but I guess not even People felt like eliciting another tremulous, quasi-sincere expression of gratitude.

Sarah Palin -- Oh, how they'd howl over this one. I know People usually steers clear of politics, but Palin would've been a slam dunk. Not only would they be in a greater spotlight thanks to thousands upon thousands of angry Internet denizens "registering their disgust throughout the world" but Palin -- whose profile has been AWOL more often than Corporal Klinger since the last election -- might just get the nudge she needed to get back in the political arena. And really, don't we all want that?

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1 comments
gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

In my humble she's a little mousey looking, and neurotic isn't not exactly attractive (though it is refreshing that she willingly admits to it).

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