Ryan Gosling Temporarily Retires from Acting Under Weight of His Own Sexiness

Categories: Breaking News

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Last week, while we were all worried about whatever the fuck (North Korea, Macklemore & Lewis, the Astrodome), it was revealed that actor Ryan Gosling was taking a break from acting -- semi-retirement -- to spend some time away from "himself."

Some intrepid Brits have created a hotline, "The Gosline," for depressed Gosling fans to call into to listen to lines from his films, and to waste money.

REWIND:

TRAILER PARK: Ryan Gosling, Motorcycles, Guns and Bradley Cooper

For us normals, it is hard to fathom. Who just walks away from such a fulfilling craft as big-time Hollywood acting? This should be cause for worry, except that Gosling is temporarily taking leave of acting as Ryan fucking Gosling, with millions of dollars and with most white women ages 18 to 35 willing to set their houses on fire to touch his abs.

If you remember, back in 2011 Gosling brought up retirement himself in press interviews for Drive, pointing to burnout from having worked since he was 12.

According to IMDbPro, Gosling is directing How to Catch a Monster this summer in Detroit. The film, which he wrote and is producing himself, stars Drive co-star Christina Hendricks and Eva Mendes.

Jesus, he even retires to direct a movie starring easily two of the hottest actresses working right now. One of whom (Mendes) he's dating on the regular.

They have dogs together, you guys!

His next feature, Only God Forgives, hits theaters on May 23, and the untitled Terrence Malick flick that he filmed in Austin these past two years will be out whenever Malick is done with it.

Some people retire and travel the world, spend time with their grandkids, work on their houses or catch up on reading while worrying about having to resort to a part-time job at Walmart to make ends meet.

Gosling wakes up next to Eva Mendes and answers a text from Christina Hendricks and stares at himself nude in a full-length mirror and waits for Emma Stone to make a move on Words With Friends.

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4 comments
Matthew Ashton
Matthew Ashton

Place beyond the pines and only god forgives both coming out soon. Just saying...

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