Let's Recap [Most Of] Super Bowl XLVII's Commercials

Consuming Mass Quantities, Part 2

Pepsi Next Party" - Pepsi
Weak. Pepsi's ads haven't evolved significantly since the Britney Spears era.

"Princess Party" - Doritos
I have daughters. So I can say with authority there is no shame in dressing up for a pretty, pretty tea party.

Coke Chase - Coca-Cola
They're not even trying anymore, are they?

"Jared's 15th Anniversary" - Subway
You trotted out paralyzed ex-Rutgers football player Eric LeGrand to congratulate *Jared* for controlling his appetite for 15 years? Fuck you, Subway.

"Viva Young" - Taco Bell
Old people love pranking. And having sex in bathroom stalls. It is known.

"Hot Mess" - Jack in the Box
I feel the retconning of Jack's early years has become somewhat untrustworthy.

"Anthem" - MiO Fit
Only startup energy drink companies would use Tracy Morgan to shill their stuff.

"Crackin' Gagnam Style" - Wonderful Pistachios
Where's Psy right about now? 14:57? 14:58? And how do we know? Because he's doing pistachio ads.

"No Diggity" - Beck's
A fish singing to a bottle of beer only serves to distract us from the glaring question: what's with all the black bottles? What have you got to hide, beer companies?

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