Let's Recap [Most Of] Super Bowl XLVII's Commercials

Consuming Mass Quantities, Part 1

"Our Kind Of Beer" - Anheuser-Busch
"Budweiser Black Crown: the beer for insufferable hipster assholes."

"Chocolate's Better With M" - M & Ms
At $4 million, this was officially the most expensive sleep aid ever made.

"Let's Look At The World A Little Differently" - Coca-Cola
The soda giant makes its argument for a kindler, gentler surveillance culture. Certainly if we continue to drink Coke we'll all be too obese and indolent to actually commit crimes.

"Cream vs Cookie" - Oreo
Having been in a few library brawls myself, I can say was pretty accurate. Except the cops usually shoot first.

"Landslide" - Anheuser-Busch
All you people talking on Facebook and Twitter about how this stupid Clydesdale ad made you cry just gave Steven Spielberg motivation to start production on "Beer Horse." Sleep well, America.

"Superstitious" - Bud Light
The natural endpoint of the Bud Light "superstitions" campaign. Not sure Stevie Wonder measures up to Geoffrey Holder in the Baron Samedi role, however.

"Got Milk?" - Big Milk
I don't dislike Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. And I like to believe he actually wears those pajama pants.

"Goat 4 Sale" - Doritos
It's only implied, but I'm pretty sure the goat fucked that dude.

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