Pop Rocks: When Is It Okay to Call Someone a C*nt?
If You're Referring to a Female Peacock
Q: What do you call a female peacock?
A: A peacunt.
I know, it's actually "peahen." George Carlin probably knew as well. Whatever, here he is talking about earrings.
If You're Expressing Concern for a Female FBI Agent's Hygiene
I mean, if Miggs could smell it from that far away...
If You're About to Be Tortured to Death by Vampires
The stories from Patton Oswalt and others about the filming of Blade: Trinity are the best part of that movie. Well, that and Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds).
If You're Trying to Talk Sense to a Teenager
Kristen Wiig wasn't at the Oscars last night, meaning nobody can verify her whereabouts when the Onion Tweet was posted. You don't suppose...?