Reality Bites: Zombie Apocalypse

Categories: Reality Bites

*sigh* There's always Shark Week.
Conspiracy talk comes next, and that goes along with gun "enthusiasts" like peanut butter and bananas. To be fair, the preppers interviewed tend to agree that any impending zombie apocalypse will not involve the dead literally coming out of the ground, but instead be brought about by some form of contagion. And who better to develop super-secret bio-weapons than the government?

Why, voodoo priests, of course. And if we weren't already three time zones into La La Land at this point, the narrator's dire pronouncements about the dangers of puffer fish toxin -- easily obtainable as an OTC zombification agent at your local pharmacy, I guess -- are more than sufficient to send us the rest of the way.

But getting back to the conspiracy angle: Why *wouldn't* the government experiment with zombie drugs? As Drezner correctly points out, their history of fucking with their own citizenry is well-documented. What's left unexplained is the potential gain. A permanently docile population -- one not prone to posting totally plausible theories about the Federal Reserve's complicity in the collapse of the World Trade Center, for example -- would certainly be seen as a benefit. Savage hordes of mindless cannibals less so. And as for the former, well, we've already got reality shows.

That leaves us with a new disease, and consternation among certain preppers over the construction of the new National Bio and Agro-Defense Facility (NBAF) in Kansas. But the diseases they talk about -- Spanish influenza, "mad cow" disease -- tend to lack the typical hallmarks of zombie activity. The Kansas "Anti-Zombie" Militia in question is given more air time than I'd have figured appropriate for a group consisting of a dozen or so of what appear to be morbidly obese World of Warcraft aficionados and/or Nickelback fans, hoarding MREs and debating whether or not they could shoot their own kids.

Between climate change, nuclear terrorism and body snatchers (you're next!), there are enough doomsday scenarios to go around. No need to throw zombies into the mix; I'd argue the chances of an alien invasion are greater than a zombie apocalypse. And in that event, your puny human weapons are probably going to be worthless anyway.

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