Pop Rocks: How Do These Imaginary Friends Measure Up To Manti Te'o's Special Lady?

Categories: Pop Rocks

Donnie Darko (2001)
Physical Description: Six-foot, creepy looking rabbit
Romantic Potential: Ew.
Like his inspiration, Harvey the Rabbit, Frank is probably not truly imaginary (unless he's the product of Donnie's incipient schizophrenia, but that's one of many possibilities). It's not really worth getting into the intricacies of the parallel universe plot, but lingering questions about his existence, to say nothing of his negative influence, make him lousy imaginary boyfriend material.

Spiny Norman
Monty Python's Flying Circus (1970)
Physical Description: Anywhere from 12 feet to 800 yards long
Romantic Potential: Who doesn't love hedgehogs?
Normally I wouldn't condone human-hedgehog relations because the latter are just so tiny. Norman, on the other hand, is normally just large enough to make things ... interesting for the curious person.

You'll get more attention if your name's "Dinsdale," however.

Mr. Snuffleupagus
Sesame Street (1971-present)
Physical Description: Juvenile mammoth seeks LTR; birds okay; no tusks.
Romantic Potential: Hirsute
Yes, Snuffy is real, or so we were taught in 1985. Sesame Street writers were worried the way the adults on the show consistently berated Big Bird for blaming things on a mystical pachyderm might convince actual children to withhold important real world information, such as whether they were being molested or not. This is commendable, but I grew up with make-believe Snuffleupagus, and was half-convinced he and Big Bird were more than hetero lifemates anyway.

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I think Harvey really deserves a place on the list. Others that come to mind: Tony, Danny's little mouth buddy in The Shining, and Mr. Bunbury in The Importance of Being Earnest. I'd say Mr. Hanky, but he only seemed imaginary to everyone else for a while.

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