Pop Rocks: 2013 Already Sucks -- Kanye and Kim Kardashian Are Breeding
These Things About the Kanye/KimK Baby Are a Drag
Kanye Will Release a Scott Stapp-ian Ode to His Unborn Child -- There have been other offenders in this category, of course (radio stations that still play Green Day's "Time of Your Life" should hand out complimentary airsick bags), but Creed's remains the top of the constipated heap.
We're Getting More Reality Shows! -- You don't think Keeping Up With the Kardashians can contain the unholy amount of attention required by the Kardaspawn, do you? And don't forget the constant Twitter and Facebook updates when she goes into labor. Will they have a live special on E! to air the birth? Oh, I hope so.
Another Child of a Broken Home -- West and Kardashian aren't married, and while there's the possibility of a long-running Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn-style relationship, nothing in either of their romantic histories (especially hers) suggests such a thing. With the paparazzi dogging their every step, rich or not, I actually feel sorry for the kid.
Prepare Yourself for Kim's Post-Pregnancy Weight-Loss Updates -- Frankly, I'm not optimistic (that's already a sizable posterior), but either way, you should gird yourself for tabloid updates that'll make Simpson's look pedestrian by comparison.
They're Going to Name It Something Terrible, Aren't They? -- Of course they are; they're celebrities. And I guarantee you anyone with a sibling who spells her name "Khloe" is liable to come up with something that puts "Shiloh" or "Lancaster" to shame.
On the plus side, it's almost 100% guaranteed to start with a "K," meaning there's the ever so slight chance the name might incorporate both mom and dad's monikers as well as the last name "Kardashian," resulting in, well, something like Krusty's Komedy Klassics: