Dallas: "Love Is For Pussies."

Categories: Film and TV

J.R. can't come in unless you invite him.
Sue Ellen is so distraught over her election loss (that was quick) she's about to drown her sorrows in chardonnay, but then J.R. and John Ross pay a visit. J.R. praises her strength and offers to lean on the state attorney. She dumps out the bottle and goes to talk to Ann, while J.R. shows the attorney guy surreptitiously taken pictures of him shtupping some sweet young thing at a charity golf tournament. Predictably, he elects not to pursue the case.

"Pamela" (gotta get used to that) goes behind Smiling Frank's back and announces Barnes Global's new focus: clean energy. Frank is no longer smiling, but then J.R. shows up (he gets around pretty good for an old guy), and informs her erstwhile niece he's "one for one on flushing out Pamelas." DAMMIT TNT, THIS IS EXACTLY WHEN VICTORIA PRINCIPAL SHOULD'VE WALKED IN. So disappointed.

The real Rebecca gets her payoff, but is still antsy about finding Tommy and tells Pamela so. Awk-ward. Pamela hopes the sack of money will send her back to Des Moines and keep her from asking pesky questions about her dead brother.

John Ross walks in on a meeting between Christopher, Bobby, and Elena where the subject of making Elena a bigger partner comes up. He makes the magnanimous gesture of offering some of his shares to make her equal with everyone else. The real reason, of course, is leveraging her shares against the money Elena owes Sue Ellen. Oh, and haggling over how many shares to give Pamela in exchange for the methane patents.

What I don't get is Christopher asking his secretary Jill to "get close" to John Ross's secretary. He's the head of the freaking company, he can't get the IT guys to look at his brother's emails and trace his phones for him?

In another blast from the past: Christopher receives a phone and a note from Tommy (actually from Frank, who's not pleased with the direction the company's taking). On it are messages from Pamela and sister Rebecca, asking for her cut of the scam. Where does the deception end?

In the second final five minute expository pile-on this week (or perhaps the only one, if you think about it), John Ross and Pamela do the nasty in her office, Bobby goes to confront Harris and meets ... his mother Judith (Judith Light), who reveals she and Harris were the ones who kidnapped Emma and spirited her to Europe. In Emma's version, they "rescued" her from her mother. Is Ann a monster? Is Harris just a mama's boy? Can Ricky Rudd drive Christopher's car to Sprint Cup glory, even though HE RETIRED SIX YEARS AGO?

The whole premiere was bittersweet, with Hagman stealing every scene he was in. Henderson and Gonzalo are doing their best to shoulder the sleaze load, but I really don't know if this show survives Hagman's passing.

Next week: well, it's difficult to tell. Lots of sex and violence, certainly.

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