Dallas: "Love Is For Pussies."

Categories: Film and TV

Meet the new Barnes, same as the old Barnes.
Elena wants a bigger cut of Ewing Energies, but it's difficult to tell how seriously Christopher takes her when she follows up by de-pantsing him and humping him in the pool. Is this how business deals are done in Big D? Shameful. She also pays a visit to "Mark," some oil & gas bigwig who knew her old professor. Or something. She wants to buy four of his dry offshore platforms, presumably to get at the sweet, sweet methane below.

Now all we need is for Evil Rebecca (Julie Gonzalo) to show - oh, there she is, and Smiling Frank is there to meet her. She's ready to make her grab for a share of Ewing Energies, even if the new Rebecca's appearance makes that problematic. Christopher and Bobby are a bit taken aback to meet her at Barnes Global HQ, where she drops the biggity bomb that she's Cliff's daughter by way of Afton Cooper (remember her?) and her real name is "Pamela Rebecca Barnes," named for her aunt, y'see. She wants 30 percent of Ewing Energies, or she'll take Christopher to court. His response: hit me with your best shot. Frank looks pensive, but then, doesn't he always?

FAMILY MEETING: John Ross offers his help (though J.R.'s suggestion of getting a truckload of roughnecks to take Barnes for a "long ride" sounds promising). Of course, John Ross is full of shit, and plays his trump card: he's got the real Rebecca, and she's willing to play ball with him to screw over Christopher and Bobby.

In the final five minute expository pile-on: Ricky Rudd agrees to drive Christopher's car, the state medical examiner wastes no time in fingering Sue Ellen for bribing him in covering up crazy Marta Del Sol's murder (which John Ross didn't actually commit, remember). Not only does Sue Ellen learn her campaign has imploded from a soundbite on the news, but her gubernatorial opponent is named "McConaughey." All right, all right, all right.

Ann's reunion with Emma doesn't quite go as planned. It sucks, as a point of fact, since Emma wants nothing to do with "mom." This whole thing is more than a little fishy: what kind of rich people kidnap kids from state fairs? Don't they usually just go to other countries like Malawi or something?

The day of the big annulment hearing arrives. Predictably, "Good Rebecca" reverses herself, while Christopher's temper gets the better of him and the judge holds over for D-I-V-O-R-C-E proceedings at a later date. Christopher vows war, while Pamela appears shaken up over his holding hands with Elena. She and John Ross kvetch about the future disposition of Ewing Energies following her no-doubt inevitable victory in the divorce.

Ann looks to be about as useless this episode as last, laid up in bed while Bobby smells a rat. Sheriff Derrick (Akai Draco) urges Bobby to cool his jets, but we can tell from his steely blue eyes he has other plans. He confronts Harris, but before we can enjoy an "old people fight," security breaks it up. Bobby hunts down the horse and finds out it belongs to Harris, and Emma "Brown" has been riding it for eight years. What the?

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