Pop Rocks: You Better Hope These Aren't the Aliens Hanging Around the Eagle Ford Shale

Categories: Pop Rocks

iwtb0115.jpg
Except I really don't.
Yesterday it seemed like everyone -- well, everyone with a vague connection to the oil business, so we'll include the entire state of Texas -- was atwitter over news that UFOs had been spotted hovering over the Eagle Ford Shale near the Mexican border:

Strange things are afoot in the South Texas oil patch and in the sky above. In a region that's seen its tax rolls and traffic problems swell from the scores of new residents, could extraterrestrials be the next wave?

Roughnecks working at a fracturing well in the Eagle Ford Shale drilling region say they saw unidentified lights in the night sky on consecutive days in October and captured blurry video of at least one of them.

The video can be seen here. Chances are these sightings, like pretty much every other UFO report to date, will turn out to be bullshit. On the off chance they're the real deal, however, we should hope they turn out to be more like E.T. and less like the ravaging hordes of extraterrestrial serial probers I've compiled after the jump.

Vogons -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The frightening thing about these interstellar mid-level functionaries isn't their technology (capable of destroying a planet in a matter of seconds) or even their poetry (merely the third worst in the universe). No, the real horror comes from the realization that they're merely bureaucrats, razing entire civilizations not out of malice or imperial ambition, but for the most mundane of reasons: "progress."

Okay, the poetry *is* pretty bad.


Martians -- War of the Worlds, Mars Attacks, Independence Day etc., etc. ad nauseam
The Red Planet is bad news. For every Uncle Martin, there are a dozen Marvins. For every Martian Manhunter, there are scores of Invaders from Mars. And the worst part? They're our closest neighbors. Solar system-wise, it's like discovering the house next door is filled with thousands of tentacled Jeffrey Dahmers.


Aliens and/or Predators -- Alien, Predator, Alien vs. Predator
Come to think of it, the xenomorphs from the Alien franchise are much worse, as you can reason with a Predator (or at least win their respect by killing one of their tribe). Xenomorphs don't have technology, however, so the only way they could threaten Earth is if they were brought here by an organization with nefarious designs for the species. But I'm sure the Weyland-Yutani Corporation has nothing but our best interests at heart.


Killer Klowns -- Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Clowns on their own are bad enough. But clowns from the dark recesses of space with plans to capture and devour humanity? And were probably inspiration for Insane Clown Posse? A mere cold virus is too good for them.


Galactus -- Marvel Universe
When Galactus comes knocking, you might as well clear your schedule for the rest of the day. In order to sustain his awesome power, the 28' high offspring of Galan of Taa and the Sentience of the Universe must devour entire planets. Normally, the likes of the Fantastic Four and the Avengers have kept him from destroying us, but that's comic books and we're discussing real-world scenarios here.



My Voice Nation Help
0 comments

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Health & Beauty

General

Loading...