Pop Rocks: Entertainment-Related New Year's Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
Let's be honest: Our annual attempts at bettering ourselves usually end up as abject failures (my resolution to avoid flipping off other Houston drivers lasted a whole 36 hours into 2013, for example). This inevitably results in our spending the rest of the year mired in self-loathing and indulging in self-destructive behavior, like watching the Astros.
Calvin had the right idea.
Well, that sounds like quitter talk to me. And because it pains me to see you brought so low, I decided to provide -- free of charge -- a few ready-made pop culture resolutions most of you shouldn't have any problem adhering to.
Resolution: See More Superhero Movies
It's puzzling to me why you'd need to go through with this when the best superhero movie of ALL TIME was released in 2012 (Dredd, of course). But in case your appetite for spandex-clad do-gooders continues to go unsated, you can choose from Superman (Man of Steel), Iron Man (Iron Man 3), Thor (Thor: The Dark World) and the Wolverine (... The Wolverine).
As for that Dredd sequel, don't hold your breath.
Resolution: Quit Watching The Office
This is only for the five or six of you who stuck it out nine years to begin with. Time to say your good-byes to Dunder-Mifflin. But don't worry, maybe they'll make an English version someday.
Resolution: Date Taylor Swift
Why not? You could be the one to finally makes an honest woman of her, and -- given her track record -- the chances are pretty good she'll have broken up with Harry Styles by the time she comes through Houston again (May 16 at the Toyota Center). Make sure to splash on plenty of Old Spice, guys.
Resolution: Pay Less Attention to Hockey
You're not getting a season, NHL fans. Unfortunately, even that won't drum up more interest for our own excellent local AHL franchise, the Houston Aeros (currently 17-10 in the Western Conference).
Resolution: Enjoy Some Apocalyptic Intercourse
It hardly seems fair: Your parents/grandparents had the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Yom Kippur War to cajole impressionable members of the opposite sex into giving up their virginity. And though your own days of chastity are probably well behind you, that doesn't mean you can't use the threat of Iranian nukes or another season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo to convince someone to "go out with a bang."