Pop Rocks: The Least Anticipated Movies of 2013

Categories: Pop Rocks

R.I.P.D. -- July 19

Might as well get started on that Prince Namor movie, as long as we're making film adaptations of comic books nobody reads.

One Direction 3D Concert Movie -- August 30
I think it'd be funny to sneak into projection booths on opening night and swap this out with Rust Never Sleeps. At least it would be until 500,000 pissed off pre-teens set fire to our cities.

Jack Ryan -- December 25
Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, Ben Affleck and now Chris Pine. All of these guys have taken their turn playing Tom Clancy's heroic...analyst. And with the exception of The Hunt for Red October and some of Patriot Games, none of them have won us over. Pine rides a mean motorcycle, though. So there's that.


The Secret Life of Walter Mitty -- December 25
Ben Stiller is making a serious run at Steve Martin's position as Least Self-Aware Crap Remake Actor. Hey, maybe they can collaborate on an update of The Jerk: Stiller can reprise the Navin Johnson role while Martin plays banjo in the background and counts his huge piles of money.

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MadMac topcommenter

Thanks on the tip-side PVH. A CIA analyst, (on payscale, one grade above elementary school teacher) who owns a Ducati--riiiight. Here's my take, instead of The Hobbit, (aka Horton and a Whole Lot of White People) READ anything by Jacqueline Carey. Instead of Ah-nahld, The Stale Prince, and/or never-gonna-get-an-Oscar Meyer (Host of Huh?), read anything by Jeff Somers. If it's a movie with a Stiller who isn't Jerry, skip it. Speaking of horrid remakes, pass on Tarrantulatino and Netflicks the original Django from '66. Great violence, less filling.

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