Pop Rocks: The Least Anticipated Movies of 2013

Categories: Pop Rocks

The Host -- March 29
This was the first year in a long time without a Twilight movie, but that isn't stopping Stephenie Meyer from putting in another appearance. It's alien parasites instead of vampires and werewolves this time, but there's still a disturbingly expressionless female lead pursued by two overly emo dudes.

The Big Wedding -- April 26
It's about "a long divorced couple being forced to pretend that they are still happily married at their son's wedding." How and/or why the hell do you hide a divorce from your adult children? Oh, what am I worried about? It isn't like Robert De Niro, Diane Keaton, Robin Williams or Katherine Heigl have made any bad movies recently.

After Earth -- June 7
Sorry, Will Smith has been coasting along making mediocre/bad movies for ten years, and M. Night Shyamalan is one for his last five (Devil...wasn't terrible). I'm going to need something more substantial than Smith casting his kid (again) before I fall for this.

The End of the World -- June 14
Does it seem like Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel and James Franco are in every goddamn comedy these days? Well, good news: This time around, they're actually *playing themselves* in what promises to be a hilarious look at what happens when the Apocalypse happens during a party at Franco's. Look for cameos galore and lots of weed and dick jokes.


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MadMac topcommenter

Thanks on the tip-side PVH. A CIA analyst, (on payscale, one grade above elementary school teacher) who owns a Ducati--riiiight. Here's my take, instead of The Hobbit, (aka Horton and a Whole Lot of White People) READ anything by Jacqueline Carey. Instead of Ah-nahld, The Stale Prince, and/or never-gonna-get-an-Oscar Meyer (Host of Huh?), read anything by Jeff Somers. If it's a movie with a Stiller who isn't Jerry, skip it. Speaking of horrid remakes, pass on Tarrantulatino and Netflicks the original Django from '66. Great violence, less filling.

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