A Geek Answers Your Children's Questions About Santa Claus Part 2

Categories: Random Ephemera
Why Doesn't Santa Age?

Due to his friendship with The Doctor, as well as the The Doctor's occasional claims to be Santa, it's been theorized that Santa is in actuality a Time Lord capable of regeneration. This is false. Santa is a vampire.

Now before you get all scared, know this. Santa Claus has never drunk human blood in his entire life. His need for it is curtailed through an elixir produced by the vampire Joshua York. His nutritional needs are otherwise fulfilled through regular consumption of normal human fare.

There have been many "monsters" employed in the Church over the centuries, and St. Nicholas was one of them. There's even a famous case where he used the regenerative powers of his blood to restore three children to life back before he became Santa. It was one of the miracles that got him canonized after his "death" when he began the Christmas project.

This explains his nocturnal habits. He can go out in the day, but it's taxing on him. He is functionally immortal, as is his wife through years of exposure to his blood. He cannot enter a home without being invited, which is why children that do not believe in Santa do not receive a visit. Nor does the cold of the North Pole trouble him.

Vampires, by the way, are in general huge fans of Christmas because of their famous hero, and his example has led to a peaceful if hidden cohabitation between us and them for hundreds of years. Have you ever lived next to someone who seemed like they put up an incredible Christmas light display in the middle of the night? Odds are a vampire lives there.

And From a Parent... Why Do You Lie to Your Children?

I actually do say these things to this wonderful child
I struggled with joining in with the Santa Claus story at first. I didn't really want to lie to my tiny trusting daughter. Wouldn't it hurt her to believe and then be crushed by the evidence against the existence of Santa?

I realized, though, that belief in Santa is important to a child. They need something magical that comes without the strings sometimes attached to religion, and they can sense an adult's honest enthusiasm for the game. Together you imagine a world of wonders so hard you can almost touch it here in the dead, dark heart of winter being held back with love and lights.

Then yes, they find out that there isn't a man that comes 'round once a year just to make you happy. That lesson is also important, because it is a test of your faith.

One day, if you've passed that test, you realize that Santa is in fact real. Oh not the fairy tale, that's just an allegory to give him shape in the world. No, Santa exists in the boundless imaginations of children, the willingness of people to use all their resources to make a loved one smile with a present, and most of all as a sense of kindness. The man that comes in the night with presents ad the fulfillment of wishes is all men who desire the smiles of the ones they love.

Because in the end, the story of Christmas, indeed of all winter festivals when you get right down to it, is that someone cares enough to go to so much trouble, and to bring a little glow to the gloom when the world is tilted. We all, young and old, need to believe that if we are to ever be it ourselves.

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