Dudes We Wish Would Make Out Who Are Not Matt Damon and Michael Douglas

Categories: Random Ephemera

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I don't want to see these two frenching, do you?
In the January/February issue of Playboy magazine, actor Matt Damon talks extensively about his role in the new biopic Behind the Candelabra, which is about the legendary gay musician Liberace. Damon plays the role of Scott Thorson, Liberace's longtime partner, and Michael Douglas portrays the eccentric performer. Apparently, there's lots of making out going on in this flick between Damon and Douglas. According the Damon, "Michael was a wonderful kisser."

Yowza! Normally, I would think this was really hot and maybe I would even think about this in my private moments (What? Who just said that?), but Michael Douglas is looking seriously old. Thinking about his wrinkly hands groping Matt Damon's ass is something I would rather not ponder.

That being said, there are plenty of heterosexual actors who should make a movie in which they swap spit. Here are my top five.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ryan Gosling

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I love you both.
These two guys fancy themselves real actors, so I would not be surprised if they found themselves playing gay males at some point in their careers. But in my humble opinion, society needs a movie with at least seven JGL/RG makeout scenes. This movie would make both hipster ladies and men swoon. I am not sure who is the manlier of the two; I suppose it would have to be Gosling because he can grow a beard.

Bill and Eric from True Blood

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This could get bloody.
Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgård from True Blood have been fighting over Sookie Stackhouse for seasons now. Enough of that, I say! These two bloodsuckers need to stop pining over Ms. Gap-tooth and start sucking on each other's necks. I'm sure all the gay vampires in Bon Temps will be just thrilled, as would every woman in America.

Idris Elba and Michael Fassbender

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I was thinking about European dudes who kick ass, and Elba and Fassbender have little competition in this arena. Both of these guys are incredible actors, they pick amazing roles and they are both really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Plus, they are already good friends so you know they've probably at least thought about it. They should make out and then speak with their European accents and then make out again.

Kirk Cameron and Chris Jericho

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I don't really want to see these two get it on, but I think it would be amusing. Cameron is an outspoken religious zealot who firmly believes that any "action" should solely happen between a man and a woman. Jericho is a WWE star who's been known to make a homophobic slur or two. Let's get these two gentlemen together in the ring to wrestle their fears -- with their tongues.

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg

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This is so on.
These two are obviously madly in love with each other already. They've put boxes on their respective junks. They've pretended to make out with each other's moms. They've dressed up in tights and tap danced together. It's time that they make a SNL short that consists of nothing but them making out for four minutes straight, and not silly comedy kissing, either. I want them to kiss like they mean it, and then sing about it.


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