A Geek Answers Your Children's Questions About Santa Claus

Categories: Geek
Angus McBride
How does Santa make all the presents?

Santa's elves are actually the last surviving members of the Middle Earth elves, and they bring both magic and craftsmanship to toy making in addition to Santa's own skills and genius. Many of the world's best gadgets, gizmos and playthings have actually been developed by Santa and the elves, and they are licensed through various companies to fund Christmas and promote innovation in the realm of whimsy. Santa Claus, Inc. is the largest patent-holder in the world.

Why does Santa live at the North Pole?

The North Pole is not under any particular country's territorial claims, and thus serves as the perfect neutral ground for Santa to conduct his operations free from war, economic shifts and other political factors. This holds true for his base on the Moon as well, though that site is still in the development phase as a back-up base should global warming render the Arctic too unstable.

Why don't I always get the present I ask for?

Mrs. Claus is an accomplished scryer, which she learned directly from studies with Dr. John Dee. Her job at the North Pole is checking a small distance into the future to see whether or not the present you ask for causes any kind of trouble, and she sends her recommendation on to her husband. This is why most kids don't get the pony or flamethrower that they ask for.

maddy gaiman.jpg
Maddy Gaiman
Is Santa real?

Santa, like all gods, demigods, myths and extra-normal beings, operates on the Gaiman principle. They are defined by the perception of humans to their existence. In short, he is as real as the belief in him is real. At various times in history, he has been a fully corporeal entity capable of magic and wonder in our reality, at others he has merely been a small voice inside our heads urging us to generosity and love in the cold of winter. He has been a saint, a shaman, a god, a cultural icon and a corporate mascot. He is more or less all of these things at once.

You'll never find an element in the periodic table called "hope," or "love," or "charity." Yet those things are as real as hydrogen despite not being measured by any way known to science, and so is Santa Claus.

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@nhallfreelance @HoustonPress How come Santa gave the rich kids better presents? Were they better than us this year?


@kylejack @houstonpress "yes. Yes they were. Better up your game." Actually, I've never been asked this, even when we were (legit) poor.

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