Pop Rocks: Let's Have A War (On Men)

Categories: Pop Rocks

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"Oh sure, give me the one with all the monsters." - Homer Simpson

But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is - hold on to your seats - women's fault?

You'll never hear that in the media. All the articles and books (and television programs, for that matter) put women front and center, while men and children sit in the back seat. But after decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there's something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren't happy, it's men's fault.

Well, for starters, we put children in the back seat because it's safer. I'd have assumed an author of three books on the American family would know that.

I am tired, though. I'm tired of being lumped in with this right-wing approximation of America. It's the same kind of fear-mongering horseshit that makes them sound like such cowards: America is under siege by minorities, terrorists are lurking in every local mosque, traditional values are under attack by the gays, women aren't content to cook and breed on command. Venker and her ilk want a return to the America of Eisenhower's day, only presumably without the corresponding high tax rates.

Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families - it's in their DNA. But modern women won't let them.

Men of America, only Fox News dares to bring you the terrible truth: your inability to provide for your family isn't a result of crippling student loan debt, systematic exporting of domestic jobs, boosting executive pay or corporations downsizing to increase profits; it's because women are holding you back.

It's all so unfortunate - for women, not men. Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.

Rent isn't a responsibility? How about putting the seat down? Did you know guys drive like this while girls drive like this? And what's the deal with those VCR clocks?

Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature - their femininity - and let men surrender to theirs.

I dunno, this sounds awfully Clayton Williams to me.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.

What the? Comparing us to cockroaches? I TRUSTED YOU VENKER!

But tell me more about this "sex at hello" thing.

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5 comments
conebaby
conebaby topcommenter

Thanks for writing this Pete. That lady just sucks at life.

MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

Very well written rebuttal, sir.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

Brilliant, Pete. Just brilliant. I literally could not form a written coherent thought after reading Venker's weird little Donna Reed masturbation fantasy. Thanks for saying what I couldn't

Anse
Anse

Yes, I agree that feminism has undermined traditional marriage. I'm not convinced that we should care too much about traditional marriage, though.

MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

Especially when we've Disney'd an institution built on chattel and sexual violence.

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