10 Most Half-Ass Movie Monsters

Categories: Film and TV

Of all the not-hard-to-make movies out there, horror is number two on the list right under pornography...and if you're working for Roger Corman, those might not even be separate categories. You don't have to spend millions to be scary. One of the most frightening scenes in Nightmare on Elm Street required little more than a buck's worth of spandex stretched over a hole in the wall. That said, you have got to think things through or you'll end up as ridiculous as...

10. Attack of the Killer Refrigerator: Inanimate objects becoming vengefully sentient can be a great premise. Look at Rubber, for example. But when you make a movie for $25 about a "refridgerator" pissed off because you hit it with a hammer, you can't expect cinema gold. Strangely enough, this premise got expanded to a full feature-length movie called The Refrigerator in 1990. Some people are embarrassed about stupid things they did in the '80s, but not director Michael Savino. He's a double-or-nothing kind of guy.


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9. The Phantom of the Opera: Joel Schumacher's film adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical is actually petty damned good. It introduced us to Emmy Rossum, the arrangements are awesome and Gerard Butler eats every inch of the classic villainous role.... Right up until the big reveal of what's behind the mask. This is an iconic moment in all Phantom mediums, and in the musical the makeup they use is truly hideous and terrifying. For some reason Schumacher decided to go with "Mild Allergic Reaction" instead. Incredibly, this look, which I achieve effortlessly every morning by sleeping facedown on a wrinkled pillowcase, took four hours to create in makeup.


8. The Lift: Elevators are scary, even when monitor manufacturers aren't actively screwing with you to make you believe the bottom just fell out of the damned thing. The Lift (1983) involves an elevator killing people after coming to life. (By lightning? Of course by lightning. Lightning is where babies come from, right?) There's not even a half-assed abuse story like the fridge above, it just likes tricking blind people into empty shafts and eating heads.




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12 comments
David Clarke
David Clarke

Scariest refrigerator = Requiem For A Dream!!!

johnnybench
johnnybench topcommenter

Needs more Nicolas Cage.

Smedley
Smedley

The Autons aren't really a race. It's just plastic serving as host to the Nestene conciousness. Still... the inflatable chair scene is pretty goofy. Bela Lugosi did a better job with the giant octopus, but then the BBC budget notoriously sucked and the inflatable chair was probably on loan.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

I still wonder if I should have gone with the Wirrn from Ark in Space. I rewatched it last night and my brain refuses to stop screaming, "GREEN BUBBLE WRAP!"

Smedley
Smedley

 @JefWithOneF You could have gone with The Creature from the Pit too... Not only does it have the name Erato, but it also had the cast and crew cracking up in between takes because of its phallic-like appearance. Now, that's a goofy monster.

 

And speaking of silly monsters... Rawhead Rex!

Smedley
Smedley

 @JefWithOneF Personally, my favorite version of the Cybermen was from The Invasion through Revenge of the Cybermen (though that's where the black piping started I believe). Not terribly fond of the tons of molded armor in during the 80s.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

 @Smedley The Cybermen are my favorites, but man it's hard to appreciate the brilliance of the execution with the ridiculousness of their appearance. 

Smedley
Smedley

I was not, though I've seen that one a few times. I'm presently, and nerdily current with the classic series DVDs. I always think fire plug when I see his appearance, and I almost kind of prefer it to the black piping that was used to designate them later in the series.

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

 @Smedley Speaking of phallic... were you at Tomb of the Cybermen last Sunday? It was all I could do not to warn people that the Cyber Controller's head looked like an enormous penis. 

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