4 Most Ridiculous Groups Waging a War on Halloween

Categories: Random Ephemera

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Not that one... well, maybe that one too.
We've all been told there is a war on Christmas, and if there is it would be perfectly understandable. After all, the last thing we saw increasingly annexing this much territory every year was Nazi Germany. I'm not trying to compare a holiday to the Holocaust or anything, just that November and now October have fallen to Santa like Poland and France fell to Hitler.

All horribly inappropriate humor aside, Christmas is safe. In part I'm sure from all those brave souls who risk their lives urging us to keep Christ in Christmas from the bumpers of their Kias. It's Halloween that is now under attack from all sides, and I do mean all sides. The beloved American tradition descended from various pagan rites has always had its detractors, of course, but in recent years they've branched into social media to try and take their assault on the Pumpkin King viral.

Today we expose those parties. Not because they are any kind of an actual threat. Protecting Halloween motivated the candy industry to alter time itself in a way the Doctor would've been edgy trying. No, we're just here to laugh at them.


Jesus Ween

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It's probably not a surprise that the same kind of people that believe Harry Potter would lead people to Satan think Halloween is the lube that lets the Devil in your back door nice and easy. Those people could point out that the best parts of Harry Potter, such as love, magic, bitch-slapping demons, raising from the dead, and taming dragons, are all things J. K. Rowling ripped off from Jesus, but they burn books instead. Their approach to Halloween is equally silly.

Jesus Ween is a global initiative that is supposed to expose people to the teachings of Christ. The organization claims the world sets aside October 31 every year to celebrate ungodly images and evil beings, so they wish to combat it by calling it Jesus Ween or, and I swear I'm not making this up, World Evangelism Day. How do they go about their work? By handing out pamphlets on Jesus you can print out on their website to trick or treaters.

They aren't even the awesome ones by Jack Chick that are at least fun to read. Instead you get bland, unimaginative scripture over stock pictures of kids. At least they're providing amusement by having Chest Strongwell mad at them.


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9 comments
Rose
Rose

Congratulations, you have officially lost all rights to tell any minority person what they should and should not be offended by. 

 

Dressing up like an Asian if you're white= basically blackface. Yep. I mean I hate being "that guy" except not because I mean really you can't see why that's a problem? 

johnnydrummr
johnnydrummr

@hpjefwithonef What's hoot about that is that we invented All Hallow's Eve.

H_e_x
H_e_x

I swear if I see another douchebag bro wear a "terrorist" costume, I'm going to have to slap the stupid out of them.

joy_of_simon_haza
joy_of_simon_haza

 @Rose Actually, until Pagans *raises hand* Hi There ;)* start suing the CRAP outta .......well EVERYONE....... for that green faced pimple nosed BULLSHIT, everyone ELSE needs to just put on their *big girl panties* and GET OVER THEMSELVES.  By saying "It's offensive that someone wants to dress as a reasonable facsimile of a Geisha" you're saying there's something OFFENSIVE about Geishas.  I don't see anything offensive about them.  They were (and are) talented entertainers.  Living works of art.  At NO time in history did witches EVER have green faces.  O.O  Seriously.  Get over it.  It's like people have SO few ACTUAL problems to bitch about that they just make crap up.  Look around the world.  People around the world don't bitch about this kinda crap.  You know WHY?  Cause they have ACTUAL problems.  

JefWithOneF
JefWithOneF topcommenter

 @Rose Soooooo.... what if an Asian kid wanted to dress up like a English knight? Same deal?

hpjefwithonef
hpjefwithonef

@johnnydrummr Parts of it, yeah. I assume we means Christians. Lynda's church was hardcore Baptist and they did Halloween all out. People...

johnnydrummr
johnnydrummr

@hpjefwithonef Yep. The whole reason for dressing like the devil and witches was making fun of them.

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