Hooray! There's a New Website That Lets You Track Your Relationship Failings Online

Categories: The Intertubes

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It's not you, it's me. Now let me go blog about it.
If you are familiar with the classic Cameron Crowe film Say Anything, you may recall the scene in which Lloyd Dobler "crowdsources" some breakup advice from a group of dudes who hang out outside a convenience store. Advice the heartbroken Lloyd receives is as stellar as "find a girl who looks just like her, nail her and then dump her!"

Lloyd kind of knew these guys and was still smart enough to realize that taking love advice from a group of sad and bitter singles was not the best method to win his gal back. In case you do think taking the advice of sad, bitter singles is the way to go, you are in luck.

The Web site WotWentWrong, which contacts your ex and asks them politely to explain why they dumped you, just launched a new social media somethingorother that allows the recently attached and dumped a forum for "crowdsourcing" love advice from strangers. It's called "Impressions." It's Loveline on the Internet, but neither Doctor Drew nor any other certified specialist is empathetically responding to the wack-job reasons you keyed your ex's car. These are anonymous nonprofessionals presumably in similar situations with similar reasons for keying cars.

In addition to soliciting advice about whether your recent first date will lead to marriage, you can poll other users on anything related to your love life, such as whether bathroom hookups are a good idea or how long to wait to introduce him to your parents (after the second date, of course!). Users can also blog their way through heartache or first loves because your regular blog about how bad your love life is just doesn't get enough hits.

The best part is that your profile is a timeline that records all of your major relationship milestones, such as "when he said 'I love you'" or "when he went out for a pack of smokes and never came back." Charting your relationship failings isn't good enough sealed in your brain or diary -- you need them inked online for an eternity. Now you can visually see that you make the same mistake over and over again.

Other users can follow the ins and outs of your relationship and give feedback if they feel so inclined. So if a user "likes" your post about him going "under the shirt but over the bra," they can give you a thumbs-up.

Insecurity loves company, and it might be comforting to find an anonymous friend who can be in your dating corner while you do the same for them. (Yay! He gave you his varsity jacket.) Plus, it might give your good friends a break from having to hear you complain about your Mr. Big for the umpteenth time.

Perhaps the next development in this Web site will be a video-sharing function so that you and your unidentified new best friend can commiserate with a good old-fashioned The Notebook cry fest. Then you can poll others on whether or not they too stayed home on Friday night and what type of ice cream they ate.

Here's a sample timeline for your review.

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6 comments
Nino Batista
Nino Batista

Well, there's a nice waste of fucking time.

CrystalS4397
CrystalS4397

@HoustonPress I thought we already had this website.... it's called facebook. Unsolicited advice and bitter rants on why they dumped you...

jeffbalke
jeffbalke topcommenter

If there is one thing you want to crowdsource on the internet, it's dating advice. What could possibly go wrong?

robkore
robkore

Can I wish websites to go die in a fire?

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