10 Best Ways Video Games Told Players to Stop Being Assholes

Categories: Gaming

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You know why games like Skyrim, Batman: Arkham City and Xenoblade are so damn near perfect? It's because there are two kinds of players. There are those that say, "Fuck your linear plot. I'm going to see what's over here," and there are those that say, "Fuck that shit over here, I just want to get on with the plot." Those games can appeal to both, and it makes everyone happy. They're very liberal about the game/gamer relationship.

But some games want you to do as you're told, and have no problem letting you know when you're venturing outside of the realm of their intended manner of play. It's their way of saying, "Quit being an asshole and rescue the princess like we said to." And then of course, there are the best kinds of reprimands, those that deal with piracy the only way that frustrated game designers with demented minds can, by screwing with you. Both magnificent bastards will be featured here.

10. Batman: Arkham City

Yeah...about Arkham City. At one point in the Catwoman episode, you're given the option to either leave town with two trunks full of loot or go help Batman escape in time to stop Joker from gaining the immortality-granting powers of the Lazarus Pit. If you do the former, the game will treat you to a credit sequence full of the sounds of Oracle tearfully narrating how the Joker has killed Bruce Wayne and is now an unstoppable force. Then it comically rewinds back to the choice and frog-marches your ass out the way to help. Basically the game says, "Very funny, dickhead. Now do the right thing."


9. Michael Jackson Experience

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Nintendo already had a pretty bad problem with people downloading pirated games onto the DS, and it still persists on the 3DS. Ubisoft got creative when it came to dealing with that issue in the Michael Jackson Experience. Try to play a pirated copy, and all the timeless songs by the King of Pop will be replaced by one of the worst sounds known to man, the vuvuzela.


8. Knuckles Chaotix

For some reason I don't understand, a lot of game designers absolutely hate the idea of you letting the character sit still. Sometimes it's as simple as Mario deciding to take a nap, or maybe it gets testy like in Chrono Trigger, where leaving your party idle on the world map makes them wave their arms and yell at you. Knuckles Chaotix, a Sonic spin-off that is all about speed running through a level, takes the cake, though. Sit still for a full minute and a metal version of Sonic will suddenly appear and start beating your ass. They really don't want your lazy ass just sitting around.


7. Final Fantasy IX

For reasons unknown, saving your game or using a tent in Final Fantasy IX involved summoning a helpful moogle with a magic flute. Usually he's quite cheerful and nice, but if you call him and don't do anything, he'll start to get a little angry. Then all of a sudden he starts telling you, "I'm sharpening my knife!" Wow, that escalated quickly.


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