Labor Day: The 7 Best Birthing Scenes in Film (NSFW)

Categories: Film and TV

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It's one of Hollywood's favorite and most pervasive tropes: the labor scene. Think of the films that have come out in the last few years or are about to come out. Knocked Up*, What to Expect When You're Expecting, Juno, Twilight: Breaking Dawn. You might think this says something about the universality of the human condition. After all, every single last one of us was born. But I don't see it that way. Because almost without fail, every labor scene ever committed to film falls into one of two categories: it's either a schlock comedy or a horror film.

Regardless of the genre, labor scenes alway involve screams of pain and fear, and if it's a comedy you can bet there will be some cray-zay hormonal hijinks thrown in. Ha ha! Because all women are crazy bitches, right, just trying to shackle their men-folk into the rigors of adulthood by helping them to perpetuate their biological imperative. Why do all labor scenes in film have to be so stereotypical? And do none of them even remotely represent what giving birth is like in real life?

Below, in honor of Labor Day, we compiled some of the best labor scenes in Hollywood. And by best, we mean worst.

Look Who's Talking

Before the birth, there has to be conception, right? The opening credits of Look Who's Talking basically encapsulate everything 14-year-old boys think of when they think of sex. Your "bros" swimming through a primordial ooze for the ultimate prize, all to the tune of the Beach Boys' "I Get Around," (because unmarried women who get pregnant are sluts, geddit?) It's like a frat-boy version of Sperm Wars. I did, however, forget that Abe Vigoda was in this movie. We won't even get into how stupid the birth scene in this film is.

Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

To be honest, if I ever did have a kid I'd kind of want Graham Chapman and John Cleese to be my OBGYNs. I also really want a machine that goes BING!

Rosemary's Baby

The birth scene, which is just as rapey as the, well, rape scene, isn't available on YouTube, but trust. Poor Rosemary is forcibly drugged, and held down by her husband and his Satanist friends, who later steal her baby and tell her he died (with a promise of "We can get a new one," as though babies were puppies). But you can't blame her. If you were giving birth to the son of Satan you might fight back too.

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