Pop Rocks: Stop -- Emmy Time!

Categories: Pop Rocks

If you're like me, you totally spaced on the fact the Emmys were on this weekend. Between the start of football season, ogling Princess Kate's chest, and avoiding the new Resident Evil movie, it's been a busy few weeks.

Anyway, this Sunday we'll learn the winners of the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards. I won't be live blogging the event because, uh, I have to wash my hair. Also, unlike with the Oscars, I've only seen a handful of shows in contention and probably wouldn't have much to offer other than cleavage updates and jokes about Jimmy Kimmel's hairpiece.

Now that I think about it, that about sums up my Oscar coverage as well.

But that won't stop me from making some ill-informed predictions. Though I must warn you in advance, any gambling losses incurred are the sole responsibility of the bettor and are not an invitation to hurl cinder blocks through my windshield.

"The Big Bang Theory" (CBS)
"Curb Your Enthusiasm" (HBO)
"Girls" (HBO)
"Modern Family" (ABC)
"30 Rock" (NBC)
"Veep" (HBO)

Curb is funnier, Girls is hipper, and 30 Rock is probably more popular among Hollywood pinkos, but MF has won the last two years, and Emmy voters are known for their inertia.

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in "The Big Bang Theory"
Larry David as Himself in "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan in "House of Lies"
Louis C.K. as Louie in "Louie"
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy in "30 Rock"
Jon Cryer as Alan Harper in "Two and a Half Men"

I actually liked Cheadle in House of Lies, but my wife and I were the only people who watched it. Louis C.K. is also a favorite, but it doesn't really feel like he's "acting." That leaves Parsons, which is too bad because - due respect to our local boy - TBBT is a terrible, terrible show.

Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in "Girls"
Melissa McCarthy as Molly Flynn in "Mike & Molly"
Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day in "New Girl"
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton in "Nurse Jackie"
Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope in "Parks and Recreation"
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon in "30 Rock"
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer in "Veep"

Jesus, how many nominations are they allowed to have? I really want Poehler to win this, but I have a sinking feeling it's going to be Deschanel. Le sigh. Hey, as long as Mike and Molly doesn't win anything, I'll call it a push.

Ed O'Neill as Jay Pritchett in "Modern Family"
Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett in "Modern Family"
Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy in "Modern Family"
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker in "Modern Family" | More: Stonestreet hopes his costars win
Max Greenfield as Schmidt in "New Girl"
Bill Hader as various characters in "Saturday Night Live"

AKA "The Modern Family Award." Seriously, Greenfield and Hader might as well just go smoke a bowl during this category. Stonestreet and Burrell won the last two, so it's the former Al Bundy's time to shine.

Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler in "The Big Bang Theory"
Kathryn Joosten as Karen McCluskey in "Desperate Housewives"
Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy in "Modern Family"
Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in "Modern Family"
Merritt Wever as Zoey Barkow in "Nurse Jackie"
Kristen Wiig as various characters in "Saturday Night Live"

Desperate Housewives is still on? That's cute. Sadly, as much as Wever deserves this, it'll probably be Bowen.

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