The Most Anticipated Summer Films Of 2012
I hate to break it to everyone, but the summer blockbuster movie season doesn't begin when the kids get out of school, or when the calendar hits Memorial Day weekend. It now gears up sometime in late March with a handful of studio gambles, and really kicks into overdrive by early May, and won't let up until August and the September-October doldrums.
Johnny Depp in Dark Shadows: Hubba Hubba, amiright?
Time was that studios didn't release big-budget epics until the temperatures began heating up all over the country. You wouldn't expect films like John Carter or The Lorax until school let out for summer. It just wasn't done.
It was a decade and change ago that theaters upped the odds and sought to outdo one another early in a big way. 1996's Twister came out in early May. By 2008 and 2010 both Iron Man films would see release the first weekend in that month; flicks that would have rightfully been July movies a decade ago.
But what are we looking forward to this year? These films will draw plenty of Houstonians into the theaters and way from the Texas steam bath that we are surely all in for. Unless God decides we need as much rain as we got heat this past year. Either way, save me some M&M's, I'm starving.
It probably won't surpass The Dark Knight in terms of pop culture impact, but this final installment of Christopher Nolan's Batman series will still make hundreds of millions of dollars. Words has it that Tom Hardy had to re-dub his Bane dialog for American audiences to properly understand in the wake of the first trailer hitting theaters. We are sad to see this team go, and more than a little fearful for the next round of reboots, but we will be more than consoled by Anne Hathaway as Catwoman on the big screen.
Dark Shadows (May 11)
Most people in this film's target audience have never seen the original gothic soap opera, save for maybe YouTube clips, but it's a Johnny Depp vehicle, banking on older source material. With Tim Burton directing, it's almost a lock to be a hit, or at least sell tons of shit at Hot Topic.
Prometheus (June 8)
Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron and Patrick Wilson star in Ridley Scott's anticipated space picture about the origins of mankind, with guns! The newest trailer in HD wowed fans and critics. Let's see if this one doesn't go the way of John Carter and flops mega.
The Avengers (May 4)
All your favorites team up, Captain America, Thor, Toothless Joe, Iron Man, The Black Widow, The Hulk, not Batman, oh, just watch the trailer again, geeks. I'm not Wikipedia.
The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3)
Emma Stone went blond for this movie, so it damn well better be good. I was so saddened by that that I forgot to watch the rest of the trailer. I think it's about a kid that gets bit by a spider and becomes Emma Stone's boyfriend.
The Bourne Legacy (August 3)
Jeremy Renner replaces the old Bourne, Matt Damon, who left the spy game to buy a zoo. Renner willl also be seen in The Avengers as Hawkeye, and next year's Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, as Hansel.
Twilight's Kristen Stewart is a bad ass Snow White on the run from Charlize Theron's frequently side-boob-flaunting milk-bath-taking Queen Ravenna.
Men In Black III (May 25)
Can you believe this series began nearly 15 years ago? When Will Smith wasn't even a Scientologist? Lady Gaga is listed on IMDB in the cast, so that can either mean she is playing herself or an alien, or both.
Total Recall (August 3)
I will not accept this film, unless Kate Upton is in it with three boobs, somehow. This is a big vehicle for Colin Farrell, who has been wayward as of late. Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston is also on board Recall as the first meth dealer in space.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22)
Everything will either be a zombie, a zombie hunter, a vampire, or a vampire hunter in five years. Word has it that even the Chipmunks will get a reboot as zombies by 2015.