Last Night: John Waters
Warning: This article contains direct quotes from John Waters. Offense is imminent beyond this point.
If there is a Hell, then the doorman has the same grin that John Waters had when he walked onto the stage. It's a sort of half friendly welcome, half double dog dare of a thing that makes you squirm. It's intentional.
Just as he promised us, This Filthy World: Dirtier and Filthier contained material roughly 90 percent different from the DVD, though the basic framework was more or less the same. The show is much shorter on details of his film career and much longer on his current work, which, in his own words, is walking around pretending to be John Waters. Nonetheless, his commentary on the stranger corners of the world has lost none of its bite and is delivered with the precision of a trebuchet hurling flaming poo over a wall.
He's still looking for an opening act; he lamented, and wished with all his heart for the one and only Justin Bieber.
"I met him on the So Graham Norton show," he reminisced. "We were sitting together and he was just looking at me. Suddenly he said, 'Your 'stache is the jam,' and since I carry eyeliner pencil with me at all times so that people can look like me if they wish, I gave him one." Waters later admitted to having seen Bieber's 3D concert film and screamed like a little girl.
As always, Waters was on a quest to be the filthiest person alive, sharing weird incidents in his life that we're pretty sure no one would believe, even in one of his films. For instance, he asserted his support of gays adopting children, save for one bizarre case he witnessed during Bear Week at Provincetown.
Bears are large, hirsute homosexual men, in case you didn't know.
Anyway, here comes this 400-pound man with all the back hair on the planet, and wearing nothing but a pair of short shorts and pushing a giant modified baby carriage. In the carriage was, as best Waters could tell, a mentally disabled 12-year-old happily waving at the people all around.
"My first thought was, 'Is this kid having a good time at Bear Week?" mused Waters. "Then I wondered, 'Oh God, is this kid a dick magnet for this guy?"
It's a filthy world indeed, and John Waters seems to love every minute of it. The show consisted a great deal of the many odd side projects he dabbles in. He teaches film to first graders, a position he got on the recommendation of a prisoner who took one of his film classes and had a young son on the outside. He'd like to invent a series of Christmas-themed sex acts. He's already sketched out something called the Snowman, where you allow semen to freeze on your face in cold weather than walk around in it. He also dreams of curating an abortion film festival.