Top 5 Video Game Elvises... Elvi... Whatever
A bit back we brought you a parade of the finest Hitlers in video game history, and you guys seemed to like that pretty well. Still, in the end we were sort of celebrating the pop culture embrace of history's greatest monsters, and it left something of a bad taste in our mouths.
In order to soul gargle, we thought we'd go in the opposite direction, and using a complex mathematical formula developed by us over the years we have deduced that the opposite of Hitler is Elvis. And what do you know, Sunday is the King's 77th birthday, so it seems only fitting that we honor his pixilated forms.
The Nintendo Wii is an awesome system with many, many shitty video games, and Rock 'N' Roll Adventures is one of the most flushworthy of the bunch. Sure, it looks all bright, and fun, but the controls were designed by the aliens who kidnapped Elvis and who only have the basic understanding of human motor control. This was actually the only way to make the game challenging as you can literally beat its three levels in the time it takes to watch one episode of Doctor Who. If you have any children you don't particularly like, this is a perfect gift.
Clayfighters is a series we miss a lot. As a fighting game, yeah, it never had the technical chops of Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, or even Weaponlord, but it made up for it with some top notch humor and originality. Blue Suede Goo was an Elvis impersonator who fell asleep at a carnival only to wake up with fantastic powers after a radioactive meteor crashed into the site. His pompadour is a potent weapon that can slice opponents in half, but his real power lies in the broken notes he sings. Overall, he wasn't the strongest character, but put up against most of the appearances on this list he's damn near the man himself.