Five Other Reality Shows We Wish Clay Aiken Would Guest On
This cycle, filmed a few months back, is sure to have some proverbial fireworks, with the opinionated Adam Carolla, Penn Jillette, and Lisa Lampanelli in the mix with Aiken. Don't forget eye candy like commonly-nude Aubrey O'Day, '90s crush Tia Carrere, and model Cheryl Tiegs. And oh my, is that George Takei's name I see? The '80s strike back this time with Dee Snider, Arsenio Hall, Debbie Gibson, and Lou Ferrigno bringing the heat.
Where does poor Clay fit into all this? How will he hold up against people who make a living being aggressively mean and bubble-headed? Will this cat prove he has claws and be the king of the bleeps, tearing the Hulk a new asshole, with skills learned from his old nemesis Simon Cowell?
"Get the lead out, you green sonofabitch! What? Is that a problem? Can you not hear me? Did I stutter? Oh....I forgot."
That remains to be seen. He is a ginger after all.
I'm sure Apprentice is a great show, even though I only watched it once in 2008 when Gene Simmons was a contestant. I just wish Aiken would guest on other reality shows. Like...
Watch Aiken help locals hunt gators in the Atchafalaya River Basin, while being told he sure talks funny while a gator is being gutted and dressed for a full Cajun meal. Aiken cries in the first episode when they find a family of gators hiding under a bridge, but by episode seven, he develops a taste for Skoal and Big Red, becoming one of the most ruthless gator hunters the basin has seen.
See Aiken match wits with cast member and closet-walrus Chumlee over how much to fork over for Richard Nixon's alleged toaster, and giggle as the Old Man berates Aiken for buying just the most darling painting of Elizabeth Taylor. "You should've only offered $100, boy," says the Old Man. Aiken storms out and in a heart to heart with the camera he reminds the country "how much that poor woman went through!"
What's more insulting, getting your car repossessed on national television, or having your car get repo'd by an American Idol runner-up? While the Pizarros hitch your Porsche to their repo rig, Aiken will distract you with a show-stopping version of "Unchained Melody" off his 2010 pop standards album, Tried And True. It will be enough to wet your eyes and warm your heart.
What would happen if established pop stars had to re-apply for their fame, a la politicians running for reelection, in front of more successful poppers to boot? Let Aiken take another crack at the reality show music game alongside other former AI contestants. Where you at, Ruben Studdard?
Real Househusbands Of....
It could happen, right? It doesn't even need to gay couple either, it could boring slobs who are unemployed who take the kids to school and play Xbox until the afternoon.