4 Fictional Rainstorms That Royally !@#$-ed Someone's Day

Categories: Random Ephemera

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Christine Dobbyn
If you're like us you woke up yesterday thinking that you'd set your alarm for the wrong time because the sky outside was as black as Satan's colonoscopy. The clouds had that look your drunken uncle gets when someone argues with his political views, and then the heavens opened up.

Texas has been stuck in a drought for so long that frankly we forgot what a total bitch kitty a real Bayou City downpour can be. Our Facebook newsfeed was full of pictures of a flooded Montrose, as well as the lamentations of many of our friends who were stranded by high water. Sure, we needed the rain, but this was like trying to build up your muscle mass by sewing a bigger dude's arm onto yours rather than exercising.

Since we were stuck indoors with nothing else to do, we started musing about other rainstorms we'd encountered in the course of our pop culture scholarship that royally screwed the pooch.

4. Picture in the House

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We've mentioned our love of H.P. Lovecraft about a million times in the course of these pages, and most of that has naturally been dedicated to his most famous creation, the god Cthulhu. We do love his tentacleness, but our absolute favorite Lovecraft story of all time has no supernatural elements in it at all.

The Picture in the House follows a folklore scholar exploring the backwoods of New England. A severe rainstorm causes him to seek shelter in what he thinks is an abandoned house, but is actually the home of an illiterate old man who is obsessed with an engraving in a book. The engraving shows a cannibal market in the Congo.

Through the old man's monologue, the scene gets more and more disturbing. He talks about how the picture makes him increasingly hungry, and suddenly drops of blood start dripping on the page from the second floor. Luckily, at that moment a bolt of lightning destroys the house because God will put up with a lot, but he's pretty good at drawing the line at eating people.

3. Final Fantasy XII

It took some getting used to, but Final Fantasy XII is quickly becoming our favorite in the series. We've played it through twice now, and it gets better each time. There's just something about the story that continues to grip us, plus the voice acting is top-notch.

There's a little sidequest in the game that involves hunting a monster in a region that is either a desert or a flooded plain, depending on the season. If you go there in the rains, you'll find a man named Sadeen who was stranded there in the flooding, and who lost a ring he wanted to give to his wife that was swallowed by the monster. If you go kill the monster and get the ring back, he'll thank you and ask you to deliver it to his wife because he's too sick and weak. Come back in the dry season and give it to her, and she'll start crying. Go back to the same spot in the rains and you'll see that Sadeen was a ghost all along.

The worst part? This affects the story not at all, and the reward you get is almost completely useless. Square Enix basically just does this to depress the everloving hell out of you.

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