5 Video Game Films We Wish They'd Make And Our Pick of Directors

Categories: Gaming

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We were just moseying along down the sidewalk of the Internet window shopping and fending off the advances of hookers when the above image appeared. That's the first released shot from the Japanese film adaptation of the Ace Attorney games featuring the greatest pointer/lawyer in the world, Phoenix Wright.

If you haven't picked up any of the games we can't recommend them enough. Sure, at first the idea of playing a lawyer video game seems a little weird, but most of us started out as plumbers throwing fireballs at mushrooms in order to kill a giant turtle and restore a monarch to power over a people she was obviously not related to in any way. At this point in time we should be open to pretty much anything.

While reading about the upcoming film we came to a dead stop when they mentioned who would be directing it; Takashi Miike. THE Takashi Miike. The one who has helmed some of the most violent and sadistic horror films ever unleashed upon the world, including Audition, which is only slightly less disturbing than watching footage from the Holocaust.

He might seem like an odd choice, but Miike is known for doing all kinds of films in Japan, including children's films, teen dramas, and even a musical. Still, it got us thinking about video game movies we wish they'd make, and which directors might be the best fits.


5. The Legend of Zelda (George Lucas)

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Before you start throwing things at us, hear us out. It's hard to believe that nobody has ever made a movie out of any of the Legend of Zelda games. They would translate so much more easily than Mario or even Metroid. You've got your young adventurer, a princess, tons of epic landscape and magical beings, it seems like it would be damn near impossible to mess up.

You know who used to do that kind of thing real well before he forgot how to write a damned script? George Lucas, and adaptations are more of his thing than you would think. If King Features hadn't been asking for the moon in exchange for letting Lucas do Flash Gordon we never would've gotten Star Wars. Ditto with the Hobbit , which netted us Willow.

Even games like Ocarina of Time which are groundbreaking classics have some rather nonsensical plotlines and shoddy dialogue, when you sit down and really analyze them. This seems like the perfect chance for Lucas to redeem himself as a great fantasy director. Plus, we've already had Ocarina of Time redone in game form in 3D, so that's half the work finished already.


4. Portal (Duncan Jones)

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On the surface, making a film out of the Portal games seems like a terrible idea. Most of the adventures are problem solving, there's not really a whole lot of plot, your protagonist is mute, and the best scenes would just look like standing around if filmed from the third person perspective.

That is why we need Duncan Jones. If you haven't seen his film Moon then you are missing out on what may be the greatest sci fi flick of the modern era. Best of all, Jones was able to take a film that for all intents and purposes only has a single actor in it, and turn it into a thrilling tale of survival against an unscrupulous company not at all unlike Portal's Aperture Science.

Granted, Jones's work is bleak, but we think that combining his stark, minimalist worlds with the impossibly wonderful black humor stylings from the writers of Portal's incredible dialogues would actually work out like chocolate and peanut butter in the end.



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5 comments
Kellymiester
Kellymiester

I think Bioshock could be turned into a movie but I don't think the others would be successful even with a good director and funding. 

I don't think I could get into any though personally. Especially that Final Fantasy game. I hated that Final Fantasy installation with a passion,

Daniel Mee
Daniel Mee

"at one point Lynch made big, big movies" Like Dune, and. . . The Elephant Man? Help me out here.

Jef With One F
Jef With One F

I can  see that, and frankly I don't think any FF game can be made into a single film, but I think XII would be the easiest to try.

Jef With One F
Jef With One F

They'd get Uwe Boll to do it and then we'd have to all commit suicide

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